Where is Sarah?

Hello friends. Were you wondering where I had gone? Life has been very full lately and I am learning the importance of margins because I don't feel like I have them. I know things are really busy and intense right now so I am trying to work through that at the same time as trying to figure what I can cut out so I can once again do those things that refresh me like hiking and quilting. I need those times, those naps in the park and long walks. I miss them.

These are the looming tasks that have pushed me out to the edge of the paper:

-Now that the book is published, the publicity begins. As the Publicity Coordinator, I am helping people connect and getting events going for groups around the world who want to talk about the book. If you are interested in doing one of these, (you might even be able to get me there depending on where it is), let me know! This is the website for the book and you can also buy them from me for $17.50. http://www.quakerbooks.org/

-I am moving! I am not sure where yet, within the Salem/Keizer, Oregon area at least, but I have been working hard on finding a one bedroom apartment somewhere where I can find out what living on my own is really like. I have always had roommates and was thinking of continuing that when I came to realize how nice it would be to have my own place. So I have been hitting the streets, making phone calls, and will start viewing apartments this week before making my selection. I want someplace safe with a little greenery. I think it's high time I had that single adult crappy apartment experience. I will let you all know who live nearby when the moving day is just in case you would like to lend a hand. :o) It would be immensely appreciated. Does anyone have any boxes lying around I could use?

- Now that the big trips are over, my schedule is clear to really look (and find!) a job I can invest in. I would like to find one that at least involves some writing, editing, and hopefully, even some presenting. I want to be able to use my gifts while gaining new skills. Meanwhile, I am still substituting with the schools and enjoying the challenges each day brings.

- I have a tap dancing recital coming up next Sunday at 3. (Tickets are $5.) I am looking forward to the show and at the same time, looking forward to being able to lay tap dancing down for a while. I need some things off my plate, my knees are ready for a break, and the evening class has been moved to 4 pm when I will hopefully be working. I have loved dancing with On Tap for the last 5 years, it has meant a great deal to me and I have grown so much through the lessons learned and the friends made but I am ready for a breather.

As you can probably guess, I have lots of other irons continuously in the fire, little and large, but these are the big ones right now. If you are the praying type, please pray that I create the margins I need to sustain myself and that I have the wisdom and courage to make the decisions that need to be made. Thank you everyone, you are a joy.

When God Grinned

A few months into learning to tap dance, I was lying on a friend's couch where I was house sitting and asking God, "Why tap dancing of all things?" The answer he gave me that day inspired this story. It's one of those stories that is true in the deeper sense, the kind where it is deeply true for me.

When God Grinned
By Sarah Katreen Hoggatt

Lying in bed in the early afternoon, my mind wandering over the things going on in my life, God touched my hand and said, “I have something for you.” I looked over at him in interest for he had been sitting silently by my side for quite a while. After helping me sit up, he reached down to the floor, and lifted a yellow box into his lap. He then looked at me, searching my face with eager eyes.

Nervously, for I had seen some of God’s surprises before, I returned his gaze then watched as he lifted the lid and withdrew a pair of black leather shoes. Confused, I looked back up at him and seeing my question, he responded,

“They’re tap shoes. See?”, as he turned them around so I could see the metal taps on the toes and heels. “You use them for tap dancing.”

Having been unable to walk for months, “Nice,” was the only reaction that came to mind.

Giving me a serious look, he tenderly said, “I’m going to teach you to walk again, and this is how we’re going to do it.”

My mouth dropping open, I inquired, “Are you sure God? I haven’t been on my feet in months, let alone my lack of athletic prowess and physical coordination.”

“I know, but you are ready. Your stamina may yet be weak, but you are strong and I know you can do this.” He paused, then added, “Sarah, it is time.”

Yet in disbelief I asked, “But why tap dancing? I mean, I like watching people dance, but I never thought to take that form up myself.”

“You won’t understand all the why’s right now, but this is something I want you to do. You will understand why in time. Besides, you will have a lot of fun learning how.”

“Uh-huh. I’ve learned to dance before God and while it was fun, my feet don’t always listen as well as I do.”

Seeing the mischief in my eyes, he reflected some of his own, “Well, maybe now is a good time to teach them.”

“What if the people think I am an idiot for not doing it right?”

“Do you remember your time at the nursing home and watching those people walk up and down the hallway?”

Curiously, I answered, “Yes.”

“Did you laugh at them? Did you think any less of them for not being able to walk as well as you did?”

I shook my head no.

“Neither will they. You’ll be fine. Sure it will be hard and you will get frustrated, but that is a part of learning and I will be there to help you. The important thing is to keep at it. “

Looking down at my hands I thought about that for a minute. Tap dancing did sound like fun and if He would be there beside me, no matter how hard it was, I would be okay, he would always help me back up. Besides, he thought I was ready and he would be the one to know. It was then I realized I had been getting anxious to do something new, something that fit the person God had just recreated me to be. Raising up my head again and looking into his expectant face, I said, “Okay then, let’s do it. I’m ready.”

That is when God grinned.

365-09 #214

Salem Art Fair "On Tap" Show

Here are some of those dance photos I promised you. :)







365-09 #198

What a Great Day!

Today as I was on the stage dancing before the audience, looking out at all the faces before me, many smiling, my friend Julie grooving on the back of the bleachers, I felt God remind me to enjoy the moment. We build up to moments like that. In dance, we build for months with countless hours of rehearsal and then when we get there, it is over so quickly if we don't pay attention. It is important to pay attention. I like to smile and groove with the music. I try to enjoy it, which I know, also gets the audience to enjoy it too. We had fun. Stacey even bought us all ice cream afterwards as a treat- an incredibally kind gesture. All in all, it has been a fantastic time at the art fair for me filled with friends, new experiencs, good conversations, and a great show we can be proud of. I'll post pictures here tomorrow.

365-09 #196

World Beat Festival Show Pictures

Here are some pictures from our show at the World Beat Festival. Our next show is at the Salem Art Fair at the Family Village Stage, 2pm on Sunday, July 19th.















365-09 #181

Me For Now

Good morning friends! This week I have been focussed on getting all of those Pentacle photos posted, labeled and organized on flickr for all of the Pentacle Theatre cast and crew. I'm getting there! I'm now onto Death of a Salesman, the show I was in, which is actually the hardest as I'm working with someone else's photos for the production shots. I'll probably be spending another day or two holed up in the theatre offices next week as they have faster internet than I do. Last night I finished labeling the Enchanted April production photography. That was a fun play to photograph, a lot of good photographs came out of that show. The next one is Comic Potential and should be quite good as well. This weekend, though, is foucssed on the World Beat Festival here in Salem where our On Tap Dancing Troupe is performing tomorrow, rehearsing today. Let me tell you, performing in a dance show is more stressful for me than performing in the theatre. So that's me for now. Enjoy your day!

365-09 #177

Jesus, Take the Wheel!

The night I wrote the last post, I prayed to God a version of "Jesus, take the wheel!" I asked Him to take me in hand, take charge of me. I turned myself over to His far more capable hands. God will often take me in hand whether or not I ask for it. I can tell it's Him when I'm near the breaking point and my schedule suddenly clears, creating the space I need. When this happens, I feel cared for, taken care of. I know I am not alone. I know He's there watching over me.

After praying the prayer, I promptly fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8 am. Usually, if I get called to a school, I get a call by 6:30 am. It made me smile. I had the space I asked for. I took a shower, put the dishes away, got the laundry going, and cleaned my room. I always feel a great deal better with a clean room and clean house. For most of the rest of the day, I laid on my bed and edited Peggy's book for typos. It was quiet, it was peaceful. It was good reading. It was exactly what I needed.

Today I am only working four hours. I'll get to go home for lunch and work on other projects like websites, Natalie's quilt, and repainting my toes. I also need to watch the Zodiac dance on video to figure out how we did it. Then I get to reteach it to Stacey who I believe has it in muscle memory after a refresher, (I am hoping this is true of me as well), and to Shari if she wants to learn it. Stacey and I did it as a duet two years ago and are working on reviving it.

I might even go throw myself in the pool again- this time with a bathing suit.

365-09 #160

Water!

As I was sitting out on the porch this afternoon with Allie, my new roommate who doesn't actually move in until Thursday, I was looking at a plant still in the cheap plastic pot that is wilted probably beyond repair as a result of not getting watered while I was gone. It's really quite a sad sight among the other plants and flowers that are doing quite well and looking very beautiful. Sitting there, I thought to myself, "I feel just like that plant." Wilted, dried up, and in desperate need of water. But I didn't know what water I needed. Below us was the pool I love to swim in but it won't be open for another month so no luck there. I felt lethargic, tired from the inside out, and I really needed some water. As I told Allie, having the burning smell on my car AGAIN felt like a second blow when I was already laid on the ground.

So when I went to tap, I was rather drained but despite my sometimes frustrations, tap dancing has always been that activity I keep coming back to. It seems no matter how else my life has changed these last four years, I have been able to go to class and see people who are happy to have me there and to make fun sounds with them. At one point, Stacey had me lead the others in the shim sham dance without the music- completely on my own. I have been struggling with the middle of it for months and am still working on the end not to mention the change of choreography since I first learned it. I don't know if this is what Stacey meant to have happen but it was a precious glass of water for me. I danced the whole thing and it wasn't perfect but it was a triumph. On my own, I led the others through the whole shim sham and realized I actually did it better on my own when I'm not trying to follow anyone else. I'm improving and I can see that, and right now, that was really good to see. And Stacey? She wore a shirt of blue, the exact shade a swimming pool is, cool and refreshingly deep.

365-09 #112

Decisions

Tonight as I type I have a orchestration song from Titanic going in the background. Years ago I used it as the music to a power point for my Images of God class so it carries with it the emotional weight I put into that project. It's very soothing.

I talked with Stacey this afternoon about my future in tap. For months I have been wrestling with the decision to continue or not. I attended the easier class today after spending all morning either loading her website pictures or reading submissions for the Quaker Youth Book Project. Looking at those photos and videos made me remember how much I have loved dancing with On Tap. But I'm tired, my attention has shifted, and change is in the air. I told Stacey I was going to stop with the Irish dancing and would continue with tap up to the recital and commit to two dances. After that, I was taking a break. Being Stacey, and being me, she talked me into adding the shim-shams, and to continue on with the soft-shoe pieces with the Irish up until the recital. In her defense, there was no arm twisting, but a finger may have been involved. I also told her I would dance in the art fair and World Beat shows. But I do feel better after having talked with her about it. She is one of the last people I would ever want to hurt or disappoint. No matter what happens after that, for either of us, we will always be good friends and still maintain that friendship. Out of these four years of dancing with On Tap, that is by far, the greatest gift I'm coming away with. Still, I didn't expect it to hurt this much.

365-09 #87

Expect the Unexpected Tap Dancing Show!

It was quite an evening. Any time I get to perform at the Elsinore Theatre is quite an evening. I now know the backstage area better than I do the rest of the theatre, and that ladies and gentlemen, is just the way I like it.

The evening started out with our troupe gathering at our studio to run through our dance a few more times and to make sure everyone had their costume together. While the girls in turn got pincurls to hide their long lengths of hair under their wigs, we jammed and practiced the parts giving us the most trouble.

Stacey, our teacher, had just arrived that day from Israel after weeks of being away. We were so excited not only for the show, but to see her. Walking through downtown to the theatre, we walked to the box office to deliver tickets to Stacey. It was my favorite moment of the whole evening. Walking together along the sidewalk, Stacey spotted us, grinned, and almost immediately bent over she was laughing so hard. I think if I could have chosen a look on her face, that would have been it – pure joy. Of course, all the parparazi stationed outside on the red carpet, interviewed us as a group, flashing pictures and video cameras, and hyping it up. Being the extrovert of the group, I was thrilled with and secretly, I think the others were too!
Stacey gave us all hugs, admired the pink wigs and then went inside to go warm up as we walked around the block to the stage door. Downstairs in the dressing rooms, underneath the stage, we put on the last touches to our makeup. In the halls, we got to talk to the other performers, some we knew, some we didn’t. I then grabbed my coat to cover my costume including the hair and crept upstairs to find out where Stacey was sitting. She’s never to hard to spot with her curly ringlets. Ah! 3rd row, she would to the left of our view when we were on stage. (Not that you can see anything but lights swimming in the blackness.) I went downstairs to tell the rest of the troupe, and then at different times, we slid up to the stage wings to watch the other performers until it was our turn to go on. The Latte Boy was particularly funny and the woman who sang the first half was a kind person. It is really fun to see the “show” and then the SHOW, the show most people don’t get to see. That show takes place in the wings and I find it absolutely fascinating. For example, that song? It ended in heartbreak with Cinda lying on the floor. What the audience didn’t see was Cinda getting up immediately after the curtain went down and running to her friend who had sang it with her for a hug. That was priceless? And us? Well, we quietly walked to our places so when the curtain came back up, we were ready to go. The dance went really well, we smiled and had fun! (That was my Stacey version of a pep talk given on our way to the theatre.) After Stacey left, we rechoreographed the dance together, moving out of an inward facing circle to the audience and then to a chorus line at the end. We hadn’t told Stacey and she loved it just as we thought she would. It also really added to the performance. I can only imagine what she thought of her tappers as she saw us go into new formations, it’s something she had wanted us to do in different pieces for quite some time.

What the audience didn’t see as soon as that curtain went down was us rushing off the stage for a big group hug in the wings. We had worked really hard for that moment and it was worth it.
During intermission, all six of us came out together to find Stacey who held pink roses in her arms for each of us. Mine is displayed in a vase in my bedroom, it is so pretty.

The good news is, no more three rehearsals a week. The bad news is she wants us to perform it again- for her, so I guess it’s not that bad. I think we can oblige. All in all, I do indeed LOVE the stage!

Willamette Quarterly Meeting

As many of you know from reading my blog, I was invited to be one of the speakers on a panel at Willamette Quarterly Meeting, a part of North Pacific Yearly Meeting, October 3rd-5th. It's strange to have a dream for much of my life not knowing how I would reach it but holding to it stubbornly nonetheless then watching it come to fruition before me eyes. Though I have now spoken to many different gatherings, this has to be one of my favorites.

The event took place over a weekend out at the Kiwanas camp near Government Camp in the Mt. Hood wildnerness area. It rained the WHOLE time. But instead of seeing this as a negative, I loved it for each night, right outside the window by my bunk, was a tin roof and I fell asleep to the sound of raindrops echoing in my ears.

From the moment I got there to the moment I left, the people I met were warm and welcoming. And they were FUN!!! We played cards, stuck stickers on our name tags, had to get in birthday order without talking, and close our eyes and find our partner only shouting our pre-chosen words. Oh yes, and my favorite. We had to stand in a circle confessing our undying love to each other in an effort to get the other person to smile. "Honey, I LOVE you, but I just can't smile." As you may guess, I didn't do very well at keeping a straight face. That's okay though, I took advantage of the fact my fellow panelist, Kathy Hyzy, couldn't either.

Later in the morning after breakfast, we gathered in the main hall for the panel. I don't know about the others, but I had little preparation, I don't think they did either. This didn't worry me. Jane, our moderated for the four person panel, dressed in a rather comical copy of Sarah Palin, a likeness the audience was quick to realize, sat in the center asking questions. (No matter that woman's politcs, Sarah has a beautiful name.) Down the row she talked to each of us, asking us questions about our particular fields of expertise. Two of the panel conducted mission type work and the third, Kathy Hyzy, is the editor of Western Friend. (Also a friend of mine.) Then there was me. I got to cover the Editorial Board for the Quaker Youth Book Project, writing and publishing, blogging (both Kathy and I), Freedom Friends Church, and young adults in general. Feeling very comfortable with a microphone in my hands, I enjoyed the panel, both getting to hear the other panelists, speaking myself, and answering Jane's questions. I sure have come a long ways from wanting to crawl into a dark hole after speaking to now, when I thrive in doing it.

My favorite part though was after lunch. On the wall were four sign-up sheets for interest groups, one for each panelist. The idea was to pick the panelist you wanted to talk to and hear more from and then sit with them for an hour and a half. Having a larger group, we were assigned to the living area of Cy Hall, where I was rooming with other young women upstairs. People soon settled themselves in the chairs and couches around the room with me sitting on the hearth of the large stone fireplace. I started by having them go around the room introducing themselves and telling me what they wanted to hear more about. Among the wide array of answers were some general themes. They wanted to hear more about me, my experiences of writing and publishing, my views as a young adult, the book project, blogging, Freedom Friends Church including the music, and my opinion of the political effigy at George Fox University. Realizing a visual would come in very handy, I invited them to have a minute of open/silent worship while they looked at the Call for Submissions I'd handed out, while I dashed upstairs to get the four copies of my second book I had brought. While those were passed through the group, I started by telling a bit of my story and how I had started publishing in my early twenties. I then opened the floor to questions and as I answered them, I kept a mental list in my head to make sure we covered all the topics they wanted to hear about. The one that surprised me the most were the questions about what young adults were like, what is important to them, what is their culture like? Though those questions annoy a fellow young adult who was there, I don't mind them at all, I am glad older adults are interested in hearing from the younger Friends. I think the Quaker world is hungry for it, a realization that makes me realize how much this book the editorial bord is overseeing can impact the Quaker world. In one volume, people will be able to hear a whole range of views and experiences, not just my own, but the views of those from around the world. One of the things that pleased me most was getting to speak on what I'm passionate about and having them want to listen. Throughout that hour and a half, we had a fantastc dialogue between us and around us. At the end, they asked me if I would read a few selections from my book. It was one of the moments when I just knew, this is what I was born to do. Thank you to everyone who was there, at the panel and the group who listened, asked questions and enthusiastically walked in dialogue with me. It was an experience I will never forget and always treasure.

The afternoon was also fun as I had one-on-one conversations with people and heard amazing personal stories in small groups and at dinner. You never know what a person has experienced in their lives by talking to them. The more I live, the more I learn EVERYONE has a story and some stories will keep you on the edge of your seat.

It seems talent shows are "a thing" in North Pacific Yearly Meeting. I was roped, though I was gladly and enthusiastically said yes, into taking part in a skit about "A Thousand Cranes". The actress and actor I played with were amazing and hillariously funny and they also got me into my tap shoes to perform the piece our troupe has been rehearsing. After the show, a lot of people gathered around the great fireplace to sing. There, my stereotype of the meeting was blown to bits after they sang many songs with Jesus in it. Apparently, there isn't as much division as I thought between the two yearly meetings. Both groups have a wide variety of theolgical viewpoints and many in the unprogrammed churches like to sing once in a while and many in the programmed ones, like to experiene greater lengths of silence. I am glad of this. There are less division lines when that happens and when people can keep talking to each other, enjoying our differences instead of letting them seperate us.

Another highlight for me was getting to hear Leaf read my poetry. Originally, a woman who bought one of the books wanted to hear some of my favorites. Gradually, we were joined by others who were interested in hearing more of my work and it tuned into such a gift for me. Leaf, a young man from Portland, wanted to try reading one and when he did, I couldn't help but grin as I'd never heard my poetry read like that before. I wrote the poems, I knew what was in them, but I was a spellbound listener along with the rest. He is an extrememly good reader and enjoying hearing it from him so much, we started handing the book back and forth between us reading different selections. I told him I was going to have to start bringing him around to different readings and book signings. I think I would sell more books.

At business meeting Sunday morning, the clerk read aloud my traveling minute from my home meeting of Freedom Friends Church and left it on a table for people to sign. One woman who has visited the church, gave an impassioned speech to the whole meeting urging them to go and see it for themselves. One man in particular commented on how he'd had an idea of what the church was like and now has come away with quite a different view after hearing me talk. Freedom Friends Church came up a lot. The church is a small and eclectic but growing gathering of introverted folk, most of them new to Quakerism. I believe I am the only extrovert in the church and one of a minority with a background in Quakerism before joining the meeting. Because of this, because I am very comfortable, perhaps even more so, with the larger Quaker world and am one of very few who regularly venture into it, I'm quickly becoming the public ambassador, other than Peggy and Alivia of course, representing our meeting to other Quakers. I honestly don't quite know what God was doing to them to place such an extrovert smack dab in the middle of their silence. Sometimes, I feel a little sorry for them having to work with it.

But even our church can be bubbly compared to how much silence there can be in the Quaker world. When I read of this in seminary, I was being mentored by those in the "other yearly meeting" and long periods of open worship to me was as foriegn as hearing a language I didn't really understand. I had to read about it, but I had never experienced it. Though, I'll tell you, when we had to have an experiential piece to our presentation for History of Spirituality, our Quaker group, (I wasn't Quaker yet), thought we got off easy as all we had to do was tell the class to sit quietly and listen. How easy is that? HAH! You have obviously never been an extrovert with lots of get up and go having to sit still and be quiet. That's tough.

So, after lunch, the clerk came by the table I was sitting at to return my traveling minute. The sheet of paper I saw first had four signatures and I was honestly, a little dissapointed. She had laid the paper out late that morning and had requested people sign it several times. I was surprised so few had. But then, I turned the paper around in my hands and was stunned to see the other side COVERED in people's notes of encouragment. That was a humbling moment for me. For someone still at the beginning of her ministry who has not always been so encouraged, this meant the world to me. Some of the notes included:

-"Sarah is a delightful and energetic young woman who brings joy and enthusiasm to her ministry. We have been grateful for her presence this weekend."

-"It has been a boon and a boast to have Sarah with us. Her panel presentaiton was inspiring."

-"A wonderful ambassador and example of what Friends can be when we let our light shine!"

Can you see what I mean by humbling? (See "Self-Confidence Through Transformation: My Story", a previous post for more.) Life is truly like planting a seed. You can plant one little seed and get back a harvest of a hundred fold. I was honored to be with you all and I enjoyed you all SO MUCH. Playing, getting to hear your stories, talking with you, just being together was a gift. Thank you.

Before I left, an older gentleman gave me a compliment and told me what a nice job I had done. Then he looked at me and said, "But don't go getting a big head about it." I smiled and told him not to worry, I would be returning to my local meeting soon and that would take care of that.

All in all, this was a fantastic time for me. I got to hone my skills as a speaker and writer, as a spokesperson for the book project, and I got to continue building friendships with the people of North Pacific Yearly Meeting. The woman who gave me a second perspective on my ministry told me I was unapologetically authentic. I hope to always be so.

(By the way, all those posters behind the panel? They all say at what age people were at when they started their public ministry, it spanned from about age 16 to 35. To say this was encouraging to me would be a vast understatement.)

On Tap Troup Learns Some Lessons...

Sheri and I have both learned a lot as we have team taught our tap dancing troupe these last few weeks. We have each added so much to the group and this time together has bonded us all I think. Among the lessons we've learned as a group are:


-Brenda Buffalo is the epitome of what should and should not be done in tap. Apparently if she says it's okay, then she must be right.
-Doing it agains and agains really does help.
-That turn is HARD!
-You really can get it.
-Sheri and I make a good team.
-Sheri and I are a lot harder teachers than Stacey ever is.
-We need to listen to the music AND each other.
-What is said and done at the tap studio, STAYS at the tap studio!


We have also learned it is important to have fun and laugh as we learn the dance ever better. Here are some photos from rehearsal this week we had a lot of fun taking. (Wendy and Stacey will also be in the show. Wendy had to leave by this point and Stacey is saying a few prayers for us in Israel which are much appreciated considering. Enjoy the pictures!

One Heck of a Week...

This has been quite a week, let me tell you. I have felt like crawling underneath a table and staying there for much of it. In short, work has been VERY busy between board meetings and rule changes going into effect yesterday. I never knew before how much work it takes to run a government. It's HUGE!! And you go through a lot of paper. Stupid printer. I am finally done house sitting for a little while, it will be nice to sleep in my own room tonight. Though I housesit to so much for Sue, she has invited me to bring some decorations over there for "my room". Katie, my roommate, actually called me after a few days just to make sure I was okay. It's so nice to have someone worried about me like that, just wanting to know how I am.

This weekend I am headed out to the woods near Mt. Hood, nearby Government Camp. The Northwest Pacific Yearly Meeting is holding their Willamette Quarterly meeting there and have asked me to speak on the panel. It will be fun.

I'll have to write more in here next week. It seems like the last few weeks I have just been checking in which I'm not particularly fond of but my energy is being put into other things right now. I'm hoping it will smooth out a bit after this tap show is done on the 11th. I have a whole new appreciation for how much work it takes to organize the performance of just one dance. Hats off to Stacey for doing it so often. She's in Israel right now so left Sheri and I to team teach for a few weeks. I'm glad we are, between the two of us, we cover all the bases.

Last Sunday I left the tap class in Sheri's hands so I could escape to the beach for a much needed breather. I can tell when I'm due for a beach trip and a walk along the shore, I feel suffocated. I am glad I went. Here are some of my favorite photos...

The Third Shoe Drop

You've probably heard the idea that things come in threes. This afternoon, the third shoe dropped in the form of a phone call from my friend Stacey who asked me if I wanted to participate in a show at the Elsinore Theatre here in Salem. Truth be told, I have been looking forward to having nearly a month off of tap before our fall classes begin but a show at the Elsinore is hard to turn down. I love dancing on that stage. So, on October 11, you'll be able to find me in the wings of the Elsinore Theatre silently practicing my steps before going on stage. I think it will be a lot of fun and I'm looking forward to it! As I know more details about what the show is and any tickets involved, I'll be sure to pass that along.

Meanwhile, the interview for Western Friend went well. (The second shoe.) I'm looking forward to seeing the finished article. The Quaker Youth Book Project has been a lot of fun to be a part of and I am grateful to Kathy, the editor, for helping me get the word out. I also got to meet Jane, who will be moderating the panel I'm on at the Willamette Quarterly meeting. (First shoe.) That is in early October.

This week I probably won't be posting much if at all. My schedule is jam packed from when I wake up until I get to go to bed. Three trips up to Portland in the span of four days while working a full time job and house sitting if that tells you anything. :)

The picture below is of the gorgous dress I wore to The Phantom of the Opera. Gil asked for a picture in his comment. Have a great week everyone!

Tap Dancing Workshop

Last week Stacey arranged for a teacher to come from Eugene for a workshop. Here are some of the photos I took.

Stories from My Vacation in Eugene

I have been spending a lazy Sunday afternoon cuddled up to my laptop in my bedroom reading through a friend's blog. She is very real and I like that. Perhaps that is what blogs are - a place to be real. I think one of the reasons "reality" television is so popular, though it is hardly "real" at all, is because we are thirsty to genuinely know one another. Perhaps past our walls we put up as defenses, we really do want to know each other as we truly are. If we did, do you think we would be happy we did or would we run in the other direction? I think it would depend on what we focused on. The beautiful person each one of us is, or all the crap that could surround it. Rather like a peanut m&m where the peanut is surrounded by all that chocolate with a hard shell on the outside. It's a a great metaphor. I wish I could claim coming up with it.

As it is Labor Day weekend, I decided a mini vacation was long overdue. First, I had to relax before my vacation. When my roommate got home on Friday night, I challenged her to a game of Five Crowns. A popular card game in our household, we originally learned it from her young adult group. (I just go occasionally for game nights or beach trips.) It's played rather like rummy with different wilds and a different amount of cards in your hand for each round. I got pretty good at Five Crowns pretty quickly. I creamed the rest of the players my first time out. I told you I was competitive. The last two times Katie and I have played, I won. Not by a lot, but I won. She's quite good herself. The second time the rematch was my request. Go figure. So on Friday, it was her turn to cream me and she did it good and proper. I protested, gave her a hard time, we accused each other of cheating. Finally, she just looked at me and said, "Payback's a bitch isn't it?" So I told her I was going to put what she said on my blog... Yes, payback is indeed a bitch. So the moral of this story is: don't piss off a writer. Even if you didn't really piss her off, she can still skew the facts however she wants on her blog... :o)

So Saturday morning after sleeping in, I headed down to Eugene where my friend JD lives. JD and I met four years ago at a kariyoki night at a friend's house and then I helped take him to the airport when he moved to Japan three days later. That was the last time I saw or talked vocally to JD. For four years, we instant messaged each other off and on as he moved from Japan to Argentina and got married. Probably partly because it was online, we were honest with each other, how our days were going, problems we had and such. We encouraged each other and helped each other along when we both happened to be online with time to talk. At the end of four years, we were both in very different places than we had met. This last spring, he and his wife moved back to Oregon and just recently, to Eugene, within a hour and a half of me. Those kinds of friendships are awesome aren't they?

So, I had my destination along with a promise of salsa dancing in the evening. The afternoon, though, was my own. I have never spent a lot of time in Eugene as the university there is the arch rival of the university I attended for my bachelor's degree, but I was looking forward to a fun afternoon. My first stop was the Buffalo Exchange. No, this is not a western movie set, it is a national used clothing store. My friend Tricia recommend it to me as she knew I am into the urban look and I was eager to check it out. Think urban, hip, and why would you ever wear that kind of clothing store and you got it. I soon found out I really like the Buffalo Exchange and am looking forward to checking out their stores in Portland next time I get a chance. You can google it if you like. I am still figuring out how people put outfits together in this style, there doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason to it so I am trying to create a style all my own.

Having seen a Saturday market down the street, I checked that out too. The folk in Eugene must be very clean because they sold a lot of soap there along with tie-dye t-shirts. It's Eugene! The jewelry was pretty too and I liked the music. People were friendly and for a while, I just sat watching them. Things like, "You think those pieces of clothing go together, how interesting." and "Oh, you are so gay." walked through my head as I checked out the hippies dancing the afternoon away. By the courthouse, there is a bunch of young women and men selling colored glass pipes in cushioned cases and if you don't know what those are for, you have obviously never been to Eugene. Ironically, I felt very comfortable amongst them. I'm not about to move there, but Broadway shows go through that town so it's tempting.

Meeting JD and his wife was not as awkward as I expected it to be. His wife is learning English so JD did a lot of translation for us. We got to catch up and I discovered that wedding photos need no translation at all. One of my more memorable attempts to communicate was when JD was on the phone and I was trying to explain my niche as a "fringe Christian". Finally, I came up with the idea of saying how I believe God is SOOOO big, (stretching out my arms), and many Christians put God in a box of right and wrong, who is saved, how to get "saved", and who is going to hell, (cupped hands), but I believe God is SOOOOO big, that I am on the fringes and I like it there. I'm not sure she understood, but I thought it was a good way to say it.

That evening, we were riding in one of their friend's vans talking. This may not seem that interesting to you, but you should know we were conversing in three languages at once. This made it very interesting. JD, his wife, and their friend spoke Spanish fluently and I know a bit. JD, their friend, and I all speak English, pretty well, and his wife speaks a little. We could all converse some in varying degrees in Japanese. So we are talking using all three languages jumbled together in something that resembled a tossed green salad spilled onto the floor with the four of us sitting on the linoleum with forks.

The salsa dancing was a lot of fun and I learned a lot. At one point I was sitting down to give my stomach a chance to settle. (I think it was the moving lights that did it) when a woman about my age sat next to me to rest and chat. She was one of the people I had been watching dance and up close, I realized she was strikingly beautiful, the kind you just want to stare at but try hard not to. I have been called cute, but honestly, beautiful is not how you would describe spiky hair and glasses. This doesn't bother me a whole lot as I just want to be myself, but this comparative thought roamed my mind as I caught a glimpse of our faces together in the restroom mirror. Outside, as we left, I told JD about her, and not knowing what I had been thinking earlier, he told me that his wife had commented earlier that afternoon, in Spanish, how beautiful I was. It was one of those times when I just looked at God and found him staring back at me with his eyebrows raised in expectation. "Well?" was all he said.

One more good story. After the dancing, we went back to JD's house to "hang". There was a group of about nine men and women. One woman, at the insistence of JD, played a game where she had four pens and we had to guess what number she was thinking of as she laid the pens out in front of her. Several times, she laid out the pens until one by one, people understood, and they knew the number. I was the last one left, feeling a little foolish but stubborn, I wanted to figure it out on my own. Finally, I got it, but I didn't tell them. Instead, I got up to get another slice of pizza when a guy who understood the game but didn't like it much, said to me at the sink, "You got it didn't you?" and I answered, "Yeah, but I don't think I'm going to tell them." So, with this idea for some fun, I went back in, sat down, and they again tried to help me to "get it". After a few times of me intentionally guessing wrong, they started throwing the pens around the room. I couldn't help but grin but they still had no idea I was putting them on. (I'm sassy too!) The guy at this point, crossed the room when I was taking a sip of juice, and said, "I don't like this game usually expect for right now." I lost it at this point in fits of giggles with a mouthful of juice and pizza. It wouldn't have been pretty except I still had my cup in hand. I let the ruse go on for a while, enjoying myself immensely, until the two of us finally broke down and told them I had understood the game for quite some time. The moral of this story is: If you are going to frustrate me, be prepared to get a little frustrated yourself.

I hope you are all enjoying your three-day weekends if you have one, hope you enjoyed my stories. I'll be posting pictures from the summer at the capital photo shoot soon. Now back to that blog...

Learning to Walk in Tap Shoes

Last week I was at DGC Pro, the local dance store in Salem trying on shoes. My own pair still have plenty of sound left in them to tap out, but the store was closing and everything was half price, quite a deal when it comes to quality tap dancing shoes. That way I have a good pair for that day mine do wear out. As I sat there on their floor trying out the black leather pair, very similar to my own, I felt like I was pulled back in time to three years ago when I was doing the exact same thing on that exact same floor.

It was early June of 2005. I had just finished my second year of seminary, but more importantly, I was just coming out of my “dark night” (See previous post). I was to the point where I knew I was different and I had enough energy to want to “get out of bed” and do something. I wanted to learn something new to match the new person I had come to be. But what? So one night, I was poking around The Statesman Journal’s calendar on their website looking at the list of local classes when two caught my eye: tap dancing and Hebrew grammar. I decided to call tap dancing first. I picked up the phone and dialed the number listed. The woman who picked up the other end explained where the class was held and corrected me on the time. (She said the Statesman never really got things right so she had decided to leave well enough alone on that point.) She seemed very nice.

So, the next Tuesday I find my way downtown and locate the studio in an older building on State Street. I walk in and at the other end of the room is the only person there, a woman with blond curls and a black shirt who smiles warmly at me and welcomes me to the class. I liked her immediately. Other people come in after me and we review a dance they have already been learning. Although it is all so new to me, I try not to smile, I don’t want to show how much fun I’m having. I like to keep my emotions inside and protected. At the end of the class, I know I want to come back. And I REALLY want my own pair of tap shoes. Getting to make all those sounds when you move your feet sounded like a lot of fun!

So, the next day, or maybe the day after, I took the discount coupon the teacher had given me and went down to DGC Pro for my tap shoes. I had been looking forward to it ALL DAY. After giving the clerk my size, I sat on the floor until I found a pair that fit just right. Yellow box with black shiny new tap shoes in hand, I proudly went home and drooled over them until I could try the shoes out the next week.

Stacey, the teacher, was equally happy to see me the next week. (She later told me she had wondered if I’d be back.) But I did come back, agains and agains and agains. It was hard, my emotional energy was still at an ebb, I couldn’t “stand” for very long. But it was so much fun and Stacey was so nice, that I stuck with it through those very frustrating weeks of trying to learn the new language of dance. (I nearly cried in class several times.) After a few weeks of classes, I was lying on a couch one afternoon and in sheer puzzlement, I asked God, “Why tap dancing?” and he replied, “Because I am going to teach you how to walk again and this is how we’re going to do it.” Only God would teach someone how to walk by teaching them how to dance. So, with Stacey’s help, that is exactly what we did.

It didn’t take Stacey and I long to form a friendship. It was about a month after I had started that we walked around the World Beat Festival together after she performed with the Molly Malone Irish Dancers. (They dance beautifully.) I had gone to watch and she had some time to hang out afterwards. My friend, Deborah, had also joined the class so going every week was like hanging out with my friends. It is still very much that way today except now even more so.

Looking back three years later, I can see how much tap dancing has added to my life and how much it has changed me. Remember me trying not to smile? I smile a lot now. In fact, the other day, Stacey told me how contagious it is and I asked her surprised, “Really?” She was a little incredulous at that response. But it had taken me a long time to let myself really smile and really laugh, I had held it in so much before without even really knowing it. But I knew Stacey liked me and knowing that helped immensely. It is much easier to show who you are when you know who you are is well liked. As I was discovering who I was and who I wanted to be as God and I rebuilt, people like Stacey were there surrounding me with encouragement and love.

When I messed up in class, when I wasn’t perfect, it didn’t bother Stacey at all. It bothered me a lot and I would get so frustrated! Her focus is not usually on the end product, her focus is on having fun while you’re learning and you may even come up with something new along the way! She taught me perfection doesn’t really exist, you can do a step hundreds of times, do it again and still do it better. The whole thing is a process, much like our lives, and it is meant to be enjoyed. Then as we worked on my solo together, she would videotape me and I had to learn how to keep going even when I wasn’t getting it just right. I had to learn to be comfortable with her watching just me. I didn’t like being under scrutiny, it was even rather terrifying. But over time, as I learned to trust her, I am now down to “slightly uncomfortable”. And I still have perfectionist tendencies when it comes to a standard for myself, but I give myself a lot more grace now and I know I will get the step at some point. (Although "wings" still stumps me.)

Then, my second year, our troupe was asked to perform with several other dance troupes for a fund raiser. It was my first time on a stage outside of our studio. That night, I was stunned to discover, I LOVE the stage! I love being in the wings, the “5 minutes!” calls, the crowded hallways, being center stage, dancing down the aisles, all of it! I was in heaven. After one show, someone told Stacey I had great stage presence. When she relayed that to me, I knew my dream of speaking in front of audiences was in fact reachable. I really could do this and I could do it well. And I loved that I could have stage presence dancing.

I think the other thing I have learned besides self-confidence, is that to do something takes practice. You may not be able to do a step, it may seem like you will never get it, but if you keep at it, one day, you will do it with ease. Just keep at it. This gives me faith in myself. The most important thing I have learned, though, is attitude. This is one lesson where I am still impressed how God taught it to me. He knew exactly what he was doing when he brought Stacey and I into each other’s lives. She has such a cheerful, positive outlook, you can’t help but have it rub off on you. My personality tends toward the darker emotions and “fours” hold onto them. But Stacey has taught me that you choose what to focus on and that life is much happier when you focus on the positive, when you choose to live with a cheerful and giving attitude. I can’t tell you how many times this lesson has come back to me again and agains. I needed that light to be there. The first time I emotionally felt warmth on my face as if the sun had just broken through the clouds for a time, was one evening at tap class. It lasted for about an hour but it gave me hope that there would be life and light when the black water had ebbed away. I have to honestly say, tap dancing and my friends there was one of the biggest contributors to my healing and in who I am today. My mentors would be the other. I really did learn how to walk in tap shoes.

So thank you to Stacey and the On Tap dancers for the last three wonderful years, they have been filled with joy, camaraderie, hope, self-confidence, and love. All the things I wanted to be built into my life and who I am was partly built here, in our studio dancing together. I still have so much to learn, including all of the lessons I have mentioned on deeper levels, but I am looking forward to learning them as we continue dancing together. I think you helped draw out the person I truly was all along. Since I can’t put it any better than they did in “Wicked”, this is for all of you. (What can I say, I’m a Broadway fan…)

I'VE HEARD IT SAID
THAT PEOPLE COME INTO OUR LIVES
FOR A REASON

BRINGING SOMETHING WE MUST LEARN

AND WE ARE LED TO THOSE

WHO HELP US MOST TO GROW

IF WE LET THEM

AND WE HELP THEM IN RETURN

WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I BELIEVE THAT'S TRUE

BUT I KNOW I'M WHO I AM TODAY

BECAUSE I KNEW YOU….
SO MUCH OF ME

IS MADE OF WHAT I LEARNED FROM YOU

YOU'LL BE WITH ME

LIKE A HANDPRINT ON MY HEART...

AND NOW WHATEVER WAY OUR STORIES END

KNOW YOU HAVE RE-WRITTEN MINE

BY BEING MY FRIEND...
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU

I HAVE BEEN CHANGED

FOR GOOD.

In honor of 3 years of tap dancing – and for the fun of it, here are some of my favorite memories from “On Tap”. (In no particular order.)

-Learning to walk silently in tap shoes behind the backdrop on the McNary stage when we had to get from stage left to stage right.

-Dancing down the aisles of the Elsinore to “Chicago”.

-Giving Stacey flowers at every recital as a troupe in appreciation and gratitude and her being surprised, every time...

-The night the drummers came and we finally got the beat to Zodiac.

-Dancing Zodiac as a duet with Stacey at the World Beat Festival.

-Teaching tap class as the substitute and watching the students “get it”. What a great feeling.

-Learning to hula hoop and tap dance at the same time.

-Rocking out in Sheri’s convertible with Sheri, Bobbe, and Connie.

-Meeting Stacey for the first time.

-Learning how to dance with canes to “Razzle Dazzle”, also from Chicago, dropping them A LOT in class, and then having the audience LOVE the canes at the shows.

-Stacey telling her friend in front of me I was going to dance a solo at our recital without telling me first. Yes, that really happened.

-Being videotaped while practicing for that solo and learning to be comfortable with that as I moved from tears to smiles.

-Convincing Stacey to dance that piece with me for the third recital two years later. (Sweet, friendly, revenge.)

-Deborah’s reaction to me telling her I was taking tap and her starting the next week.

-Learning, and being able to do, the Broadway Step and Maxi Ford Turn.

-When I learned I could do it, agains and agains.

-Really going at the finale of “Black Horse and the Cherry Tree” as an entire class in response to the enthusiasm of the audience. That ROCKED!

-Learning to balance on the ball of one foot while moving the other. Try it.

-All the times people have asked me to show them a couple of steps. Good stories there.

-Designing and maintaining Stacey’s website.

-Celebrating my second book going to the printers with everyone going to the Condeterie for cake after class.

-Giving Stacey her quilt and the look on her face when she realized what it was.

-Volun-teering at the food share.

-Creeping behind stage and in the wings during a show.

-Drinking wine at Shari’s house before, during, and after, we practiced in her garage before class for the upcoming recital and the look on Stacey’s face when we would come to class and tell her what we’d just done.

-Calling Bobbe as a class and convincing her to come to class then surprising her with birthday cupcakes when she got there.

-Stacey dressed up as Betty Boop. Nuff' said.

-The happy tappy surprise birthday party we threw Stacey in May, complete with chocolate and Guinness. Surprise!

-Knowing there are lots of precious memories yet to make!

For more information about On Tap, please see http://www.ontapdancing.com/.

Israel Independence Day

Sometimes open worship is hard for me to sit still in, I want to MOVE!!! I will openly admit, this does detract from my being a good Quaker. Recently I was putting on some perfume and a fellow Quaker asked me, “You weren’t raised a Quaker, were you?” I confirmed this and she responded many Quakers don’t wear perfume at conferences because so many people have medical problems with the scents. I don’t know how many wear perfume at home but I thought this quite funny- that someone could tell I was not raised a Quaker by the small habits I do within my day. So I will tell you, there are things I do and believe that deviate from “historical Quakerism”. On top of that, being a Quaker is only a part of my life, it does not define who I am or my spirituality. It is an ingredient among others.

For example, back to open worship this morning, I wanted to stretch out my arms and legs, I wanted to play, I wanted to worship God with my body! This morning was one of those mornings. I wiggled, I tapped my feet, I shifted, I looked around, I thought about all the things that are swirling around in my life and I looked at the clock, several times. One person spoke about how worship was work and sometimes she didn’t want to do it. I was appropriately chastised, (though I’m sure she didn’t mean it that way), but it didn’t help my wiggles. Worshipping was not the problem. Sitting still the whole time was my difficulty. Being inside was hard. I thought about going to the art table and painting something but wasn’t feeling particularly inspired. What I really wanted to do was dance!

At five till twelve, we ended it, I made my announcement about the upcoming writer’s night, and I was out of there like a shot out of a cannon. My destination as I raced through the town was the Jewish temple I attend. (Another large ingrediant.) I had told my friend, Stacey, earlier that morning I would meet her there to show her the quilt I had just finished and join her for Israeli dancing as it is Israeli’s Independence Day. When I got there, I showed her the quilt first then we walked over to where people were eating lunch outside and drinking strawberry lemonades. They had already set up a speaker and cordless microphone for the music. While Stacey put on the microphone, I talked with her sister-in-law and parents-in-law, all fantastic people I am blessed to know.

We started first with “Mayim”, a song about water, quite appropriate since it is a beautiful blue sky afternoon. It was so fun to finally MOVE! We danced with grapevines, trachezias, kicks, claps, and shouts! Sometimes we snapped, sometimes we wiggled our toushies, but all of the time, we had fun! We were joyful! Some of my favorites are Yo-Ya and Zodiac. Stacey and I had turned Zodiac into a tap dancing duet last year and performed it at the World Beat Festival. It has always since been one of my favorites.

I enjoy my Quaker meeting, I do. That is why I go. They are the place I am growing out of. But quite frankly, they can be a quiet, subdued bunch and I am much more outgoing, even flamboyant. That is why I was surprised to discover on my recent travels that Quakers in general, are touchy-feely. My meeting is not touchy-feely. Judaism tends to be more robust, more gregarious, more joy-filled. At least where you can see it. So my meeting may be where I'm planted, but my branches are reaching out to many places. I feel quite at home at temple with my fellow Jews and this afternoon was a wonderful reminder of why. I value both Quakerism and Judiasm and hold them in each hand, not letting one overshadow the other, but living in paradoxical tandem. After all, truth is often found it the tension between two other truths. This, I know to be true as I worship God in silence and in dance.