Massage............

I'm on my forth bottle of water. Lisa wanted me to drink that many to flush the toxins out after my massage this afternoon. Words fail to describe how good that felt. I always thought massages were one of those things that just felt good but I have been carrying so much stress and tension in my body that today she dug into the deep tissue and loosened all those muscles up. It was heaven. I also got to spend several hours with her 14 month old daughter in the morning, almost just as therapeutic to get to play with her and laugh together. Though, I think one of my favorite moments was laying on the couch together reading. She is a sweetheart.

After the massage, Lisa and I talked about church and spirituality. It felt good to discuss some things I've been thinking about and to get insight into the road I'm travelling which was much appreciated. A morning like that in the country was just what I needed. Whether it's massage or something else, I highly recommend finding some way to release the tension inside of you.

On two other notes, I took rehearsal photos of the next Pentacle production, "Seussical". They have a cast of over 30, the majority of them kids. I took nearly all of their headshots on Monday night. That show is quite an undertaking but the director is especially gifted for the task. I like being a photographer. The other note is I watched my scene from the play on DVD and have decided I was as sexy and as good as people said I was. Damn.

365-09 #49

Closing Night

Closing night was fantastic! I have mixed feelings about it. I am sad I won't get to spend so much time with my fellow cast members. After spending three months together, it will be an adjustment. However, it will also be nice to have my evenings free to do other things. My friend Tricia Ferguson is starring in "Rabbit Hole" at the Salem Repritory Theatre and I can hardly wait to see it. She is the best actress I've seen so anything she's in will be great. It was a great last show and several people came to see me in it. It is something I have been delighted to be a part of and plan on doing another show sometime. The acting bug has bit me and I doubt it's letting me go anytime soon.

365-09 #45

Thoughts in the Dark

In the play, there are two scenes I'm in. After exiting the stage in a style all my own, (I heard a man laugh particularly loudly at that move tonight), I walk quietly over to one of the staircases leading up to a room on the set and sit silently until I hear my next cue. There are other places to sit but I've come to really like that one for some reason. There is a blue light about a yard away from me softly glowing with enough illumination to see by, but most of the area is in shadow. With my fur stole draped across my lap, I sit in deep thought for those minutes, remembering videos of me as a child, finding the commonality between that little girl full of smiles and mischievous laughter and the woman I am now walking in high heels and wearing layers of makeup. Taking out the compact in my purse, (I use it in the second scene), I look at my face in the blue light. My eyes and mouth are dark, the skin light blue and the veil and pearls enriching the air of a lady. Grinning and squinting my eyes, I can still see the face of that one year old, enthusiastically rocking the chair back and forth, or that quiet, penetrating but amused look so commonly found upon me at any age. I think about who I am, that inner core of me, the one meant to write and express those things words can hardly hope to say but try to say anyway.

Who knew such a whore could have such thoughts sitting in the dark?

365-09 #43

Thank you Dad and Beth!

Tonight was an interesting evening. The show was scheduled as a student night. As the marketing person has been preoccupied, it was not well advertised and we didn't have a large audience. They also didn't laugh much. The play is a drama, but we usually have audiences laughing and crying alternatively. After the show as I was downstairs changing out of my costume, I received a text message from my sister telling me she and my dad were upstairs. I had no idea they had been in the audience. It meant so much to me they had come. My sister lives in Vancouver, Washington and working for the Blazers, I am deeply touched she came down to see me. I am also pleased as punch my dad was there too. My dad and older sister are the ones who have known me since I was born and have been so supportive and proud of me. I love them dearly and though this would not have been anywhere close to my choice of nights for them to come, I am thrilled they did. It was still a good show. Thank you both! I feel so loved on nights like this. The below picture is us at my graduation from seminary in December of 2006.

365-09 #41

"Death of a Salesman" Pictures

When I was cast in "Death of a Salesman", my friend, Emily, suggested I take pictures of things and places most people don't get to see in the theatre. So in honor of the last week of our show, I am posting/releasing some photographs from behind the scenes for your enjoyment.

365-09 #40

Something to be Proud of

Today was a good day. I feel like I have accomplished something. That may have something to do with a somewhat last minute call from Peggy asking for an estimate in the morning of how much it will cost to print our Faith and Practice. Being in Portland at the time and not even knowing how many pages the book was going to be, having an exact price in my hands an hour after getting home was something to be proud of. Yup. That's why they pay me the big bucks. (The fact this is volunteer has nothing to do with it.) That kind of speed and educated guess of page numbers is something to be proud of. I was one page off.

The show by the way is going well. The more time I spend with my fellow cast members, the more I like them and enjoy being with them, and the more time I spend acting, the more I'm hooked. I can almost guarantee you, this will not be the only show I do. Though I think a comedy could be difficult. Every night now I have to fight a smile while giving Stanley the dirty look. Tonight, I kept repeating to myself, "Dark night of the soul, dark night of the soul, dark night of the soul" to help fight that urge to laugh with the audience. I'm hoping it worked. I'll have to think of something even more potent for tomorrow.

365-09 #37

Don't Play for the Laugh

And she gets in with minutes to spare! Last night was so much fun, the most nervous I've been which actually, isn't saying a lot since I'm usually hardly nervous at all. But Stacey, Bobbe, and Sheri were out in that audience. After the show, I met up with them, (Stacey gave me a half dozen roses!), and we went out for beer. They told me they hooted when I came out and then tried to suppress themselves which I suspect didn't go very well. They loved seeing me in my role and I loved playing it. They don't know this, well, they will after they read this, but there is a slight unnoticed horizontal slit looking out to the lobby from our dressing room kitchen, probably just above a quarter of an inch, and during intermission, I snuck over there and was seeing what I could see. I saw a little bit of sweater with Sheri's voice ordering wine, (should have predicted that one), and then I spotted Stacey. Usually, I can spot her because of her blond ringlets, but last night I recognized her purse/backpack. I think someone asked Stacy why she was there because I heard her say my name. I know, curiosity killed the cat but I don't play a cat, I play a woman of the night. Thank you guys for coming, it meant a lot to me that you did and even more so that you loved it.

Tonight while I was backstage waiting to go on, one of the other actors and I were having a grand time playing around with some of the movements in the play by using my necklace and his tie, I leave this to your imagination, we were cracking up the Stage Manager, who is also in the cast, and she couldn't laugh out loud because you have to be quiet backstage. It was really funny. Before that, we had been talking with another actor in the dressing room and I managed to stop the conversation in it's tracks because I quipped something of a sexual nature and the first actor was so surprised I was the one who had said it. The second actor and I exchanged a high five while the first recovered. This is why I have the nickname of Sassy. You think I'm sweet until I get comfortable... then comes those comments that make people laugh. I love to make people laugh. I know "you don't play for the laugh", but I had a hard time keeping a straight face tonight with the audience hee-hawing around me.

365-09 #30

Happy Birthday Megan!

Good Evening. I'm setting the record straight. I will still be posting on my blog as much as I can on a daily basis while my computer is in the shop. There is a computer lab here at our apartment complex and Katie often brings home her laptop as well. I have been considering sending the laptop to a shop here in Salem instead. By the time I pay for all the packaging and shipping, I think the one in Salem may be cheaper than North Carolina. And there is that whole buy local thing too. If they have to, the shop will send it somewhere to be fixed for no extra charge. This last day, I have been tempted to just leave it as it seems to be behaving itself if I don't move the computer. However, I have a publishing deadline for church coming up and I am thinking better to get it fixed now so I can work on getting the document ready in time.


The car I got has a window issue and distractedly, I pushed the wrong button today. Oops. So in the morning, the car is going to a shop to get the power window on that door disabled. Another cost I don't want but probably one I need to do and same thing, better to do it now than later.

So now I'm off to go get ready to head out to the theatre for our evening performance. I am really excited about this one as my friends Stacey, Bobbe, and Sheri in addition to others from our dance troupe are coming. I hope they love what they see. I believe in this show. Should be a good night.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my sister, Megan! She is 24 today. I love you! (She is the one in the middle in the first picture and on the right in the 2nd.)

#365-09 #29

Playing Catch-Up

Okay. Here is a catch up for those following my story. My computer's internal power plug is having issues. Frankly, I've been too afraid to set it up on my desk to see if I leave it alone, it will work. But that needs to get done and I need to back my files up. If it doesn't work, then I will be making an appointment at NW Computers in Portland to have them look at it. It could be anywhere from $150 to $350 or up depending on what is connected to what. As expensive as this is, fixing the computer is preferable to buying a new one which I can't afford now anyway. Besides, I have my computer set up just how I like it and remember all to well how long it takes to transfer all the programs over and how expensive THAT can be. Without it being fixed, the only energy my computer has is the partial charge in my battery. I am hoping that is enough to back up my files but until it's fixed, no more energy is getting into the computer. Sigh.

Job wise, I am going to a training with the school district for classified substituting tomorrow. Normally, I wouldn't have to go through it again since I've already been, but they can't find me in the records. (NW Computers can't either) but I was able to rattle off a list of schools I substituted at last Spring so to the training I go. That should bring in some hours, I'm not sure how many with this economy, but it is something I am even already experienced at while I look for something longer term.

As for transportation, Monday night my dad delivered my car!!! Woohoo!!! My grandfather doesn't drive anymore and so he sold me his car. It's a 1992 Mercury Marquee with low mileage. My dad went up to Washington on Sunday to go pick it up for me while I was performing in a matinee'. While figuring out what was wrong with my car, I bought a new battery that was then not needed as the car was done. What do you think this car needed? Yup, a new battery. So I am thrilled to be back on the road again, driving myself around to where I want to go. It's a relief to me, let me tell you. Though I still have a lot on my hands to deal with between the computer and job and finding what to do with my old car, I feel I can work on handling those things now that I can get around.

The play is going fantastically well. The cast has had the last two days off which I have enjoyed. We are back at it tonight and tomorrow, I have several friends coming from our tap troupe. I am excited for them to see it and to hear what they think. Yesterday I got complemented by a friend who hasn't seen me in a while on my makeup. I was just wearing lipstick and a little blush. Next time I see her, I'll show her a picture of me in costume. I do my own makeup every night and it's a full face of it, let me tell you. I thought it was funny. I have learned a lot about makeup, walking, flirting, and theatre during this show.

365-09 #28

Standing Ovations

This afternoon we had another standing ovation at curtain call. We as a cast feel we have a terrific show, truly terrific. I understand a woman cried steadily throughout the last forty-five minutes of the show. Woohoo!

The more we perform it, the more I realize it may be a drama upstairs, but it is a comedy downstairs. How I wish I could videotape people in the dressing room waiting to go on. We have so much fun down there. You would love to see it and I would love to show it.

Still waiting to announce the "transportation" news. I am waiting until I have something solid in my hands until I post. But I can tell you Gene, it is not a Schwinn, though that is my brand of bike.

365-09 #25

Opening Night

Something on the transportation front might actually be breaking but as it's still in progress, I won't fully write about it until it goes through. Still, it's an amount of release which I have badly needed. I hope it works out and soon.

Opening night was fantastic. It was fun and as some of the actors told the "Loman family", they are really cooking. Our director is pleased and proud and so was the woman who directed the show over twenty years ago. We even got a standing ovation at the curtain call. Every opening night the Pentacle Theatre hosts a catered party for the audience and cast. One of the first women I talked to told me her name was Forsythe, the same name as my character. I was so pleased, we took a picture together. I told her I hoped I was doing the name honor. Another surprise was given by my friends Deborah and Jessie who hadn't told me they were coming. They even brought me a bouquet of red tulips which I held in my arms for the rest of the night. We have another show tonight, a matinee tomorrow, then I have two days off which sounds good after going for eight days straight. "Hi diddle a dee, an actor's life for me!"

365-09 #24

Pressure Cooker

I feel like a pressure cooker that's temperature was just turned up another couple of notches. The power plug in my laptop is loose which means expense and time when I can afford neither. It may not sound like a big deal but with the way laptops are built, apparently it is. It also means my laptop is the in the critically ill unit while I am lying in the bed next to it, unable to really help when I desperately need it to work. I try not to think about everything going on too much because even with this much, I'm in tears. My life has taken on a "You've got to be kidding me" kind of tone. I don't know what to do. It's one of those times when I need someone with a level head and financial savvy to sit down with me and discuss my options. I'm getting close to a complete break down because frankly, I can't go on much longer this way and I no longer have the energy to hide it. Something has got to break. (And I didn't mean my laptop.) Some how, some of the pressure has got to be let out but I don't yet see how.

On a different note, opening night is this evening at the theatre. There is a catered party afterwards which I am looking forward to. I'm also really looking forward to seeing the program as some of my pictures are published in it. I love being there around the people while we tell a great story. Joe and I have decided we are going to play Phase 10, a card game, during Act 1 to keep ourselves entertained. Life is certainly testing my talent as an actress having to be happy and sensual while dealing with all of this but what I portray on the stage is as real as anything else going on. Though I am not the only one in the cast dealing with many of the issues Willy deals with in the play so the story is that much more real for us as a cast. In that, it's nice to know I'm not alone.

365-09 #23

Inaugeration Day!

This morning I woke up and turned on the television to watch Obama take his oath and give a good speech. I admit, I had tears rolling down my cheeks for nearly the whole broadcast, I was so happy to see him there and to know he is in charge and making choices. My poetic heart loved all the symbolism. My trust is in God but I will sleep easier knowing this particular son of God is sleeping under a white roof in Washington DC.

I am also so excited tonight for another reason. I just received an e-mail letting me know there are 53 registrants for the Quaker Weaving Sacred Wholeness Conference taking place in early March. South Carolina, here I come! I applied for and was awarded a full scholarship to attend but with the current economy, the planners were not sure it was actually going to happen. But it is definitely on!!! (Happy dance!) How much fun will that be? I can tell you right now, I am going to plan my itinerary to not have to stop in Chicago. I got stuck there last April and don't care to repeat the experience.

I am looking forward to a day at home tomorrow looking for a job and working vehicle. I've had to run various errands the last two days with an overnight trip before that so a day at home sounds heavenly before going to the theatre in the evening for our very first public performance. It's a community night for those who are in group homes or things like that, they will be our most honest audience, for good or ill. I am looking forward to it. It will be so fun to hear people's reactions besides those of the cast and crew. I'm also excited to see the program and to see the pictures I took published in it. "Well, that is nice isn't it!"

365-09 #20

Death of a Salesman Article

Here is the article in the local paper about the play I'm in: "Death of a Salesman".

Tonight's Rehearsal

As I write this, I am listening to a song from Evita. It's the one where she meets Peron and seduces him. At first I thought of going to the next song then realized it's what I am spending much of my time doing these days, seducing the men around me. So now I am playing the song over and over and listening to the flavor- like moving chocolate around my mouth, tasting every nuance and mood.

Tonight I added some body movements to my role. I need to continue to work on confidence while doing them, truly becoming the high class whore I want to portray. I wish I could just take away every inhibition I have and "chair dance the shit out of that role". That is the point I am hoping to get to. Every rehearsal gets better. As I sat with beer in hand talking to two of my fellow cast members at a bar after rehearsal tonight, I wondered how far our director will let me take it. I have a feeling, it's pretty damn far. Much farther than I am going now. It is like putting on my makeup for the show. My place at the long dressing table is between the actors playing Linda and Bernard. Bernard has a minor in stage makeup so he has been teaching me about color and application. I was working on applying blush and makeup to my eyes and he told me to keep putting it on. It feels good to finally have a reason to go all out and to really layer it on. Stage makeup I am discovering, is really fun. I think the sexuality in this role is a lot like that. I really need to put myself all out there and to deeply revel in it and enjoy it. I am excited to get there. You can bet I'll be working on this tomorrow.

365-09 #19

I'm Back!

I wanted to blog last night but my computer cord was missing a piece and I had no power so my friend ran me out to Batteries Plus this afternoon to replace it. I like those guys. They gave me a new part, glued it where it needs to go and set things to right, all for free. What a relief.

We are now in our final days of rehearsal before opening night, which I understand entails a catered party with the audience. Kathy, who plays Linda, suggested I wear a nice outfit to the theatre that night. Last night was our first full costume rehearsal. When I was finished getting ready, Jason, who plays Happy, saw me and simply said. "Wow..." That says it all. Seeing myself in the mirror, realizing how beautiful I really am, (that's another post), certainly is helping me step into the role. Once we get my hat finished, (the man who does my hair and our costumer want to add to the hat) and get my makeup finalized, I'll have someone in the cast take a few pictures of me to post. For now, I need to get something to eat before leaving for rehearsal. I'll write more tonight when I get home from the theatre.

365-09 #18

Football Distractions

I spent last night not blogging but instead, keeping ice on my eye while I watched a good movie. We were tossing the football downstairs in the dressing room during Act 1. Nathan is a great thrower, I still need to work on my catching. The eye is fine, little sore, and the glasses got bent back today at Binyons. I would challenge him to a rematch when we rehearse on Sunday but there is a new rule now in effect at the theatre: No playing with the props.

#365-09 #15

Another Look

When I made my first exit tonight, Geri came up to me backstage and emphatically said how much she liked the "stole flip" and how good a job I did with it. I could have kissed her! It's amazing how good encouragement can feel after spending so much time on something. Tonight I watched some of the play from the theatre seats and I still see something new every time. Perhaps I should take a second, third, and forth look at other things in my life as well. Who knows what I may see?



365-09 #14

Productivity

I felt that today was pretty productive. I kicked off my morning at the Blue Pepper Coffee Shop working on editing for the publication, "Western Friend", sent some quilt designs to a client for review, and finished updating my resume. Idle hands bring despair I am told. I am finding this to be true, I feel better when I've accomplished something, all the better if it's something I am good at. It's one of the many reasons I am glad I am in this play, it gives me something fun and challenging to focus on. Tonight a reporter was at rehearsal to review the play. I really hope she liked what she saw. They are sending a photographer in the next day or two so our director wants us to start rehearsing in costume. There are only eight more days until our first public performance. (Yikes!) I am working on making my "stole flip" one fluid movement. You'll have to come see the show to see what I'm talking about. I will be practicing it at home. I wish I had more in depth or poetic thoughts for you tonight but between play rehearsal and dealing with an overflowing washer, I am ready for bed. I will be poetic tomorrow. Here is a photo to remind myself to keep a larger perspective.

365-09 #13

Painting

Today was a long day at the theatre. (Though I think I may have taken some good pictures!) My friend Ben is doing the lights. We went to high school together and it is nice to see him again. I have tomorrow off which will be a nice break. Our first public performance is next week. I'm excited but yikes!

I came home tonight and pulled out my acrylic paints and watercolor pencils. I haven't done that for a long time and it felt really good. I love bringing something creatively to life. It touches the divine in me.

365-09 #11