Deviant Sexual Arousal

"Deviant sexual arousal..." As if on cue, Emily walked in just as I was saying those words to Megan and without thinking, as an explanation, I looked up and told her, "I was just telling Megan about my day." Without missing a beat, Emily replied, "It sounds like you had a lot better day than I did."

To many, deviant sexual arousal would not be a part of your day. It is a part of mine. I spent my afternoon in a rules committee for the Sex Offender Treatment Board of Oregon. Yours truly was overseeing the proceedings. I actually enjoyed hearing about their clients and seeing a bit into their world. I swear, God has a sense of humor. For someone who was never very interested in hair, makeup, or explored her sexuality much, putting her in charge of the Cosmetology and Sex Offender Treatment Boards was a stroke of genius. I bet he is still laughing his head off, bent in half, tears streaming down his face. It's that funny. I can now tell you what a Prince Albert piercing is (you may not want to ask), all about fish eating skin, and burning a candle in your ear to get the wax out. Yessiree. I am well educated. And I am enjoying it. That's the ironic thing.

Becoming familiar with all these practices has certainly changed me in ways I could not have forseen. Things I thought were wrong are right and things I thought were right are now wrong. Or maybe it's just that I hold my rights and wrongs far looser than I've ever done before. I still hold to classic morality but the little stuff, for that stuff I have no fear. For example, I came home with blond hair tonight. I NEVER EVER EVER thought I would do that. But I did. Well, actually Melanie did. I sat down and told her I was putty in her hands, a blank canvas, she could do WHATEVER she wanted. So she did. Blond hair. Apparently, a glass of good red wine at a salon can go a long way to "letting your hair down". She said she wanted to do something to match my nose ring. Yes, it is an actual ring and I love it. I wonder what Emily would pierce if I told her I was putty in her hands? She might know this already, but it wouldn't take much of a nudge for me at this point to be talked into getting something else pierced.

After my hair was finished, Melanie made me promise to go show Emily at Addictions which I was only too happy to do. (We both know her and I had something to drop off anyway.) I'm always more than happy to go down to Addictions for a while. It's one of my favorite places to go to be myself and have good conversation full of laughter. One of those unexpected gifts God gives us when we're not even looking. Like blond hair.

(For those of you freaking out at this point about the blond hair, it's actually mostly red with blond streaks in the front. I know... I know... You want a picture but you'll have to wait two or three days. I just wanted to scare you for a bit.)

The Truth About Sex

Yesterday morning I was sitting in a health classroom with a bunch of seventh graders, both boys and girls, watching a video called, “The Truth About Sex”. It made me sick. I felt like I had taken a bunch of toxins into my body and I wanted to spew them out. The students took in the same toxins but what made me want to scream and spit nails was that they have no idea what they heard was utterly not anything close to the truth. That video made me want to shut that movie off and have an open discussion with them about sex. With the prospect of talking about sex with middle schoolers, you can tell how angry I was! Not being the head teacher though, I couldn’t do it, but oh, how I wanted to!

The good part of the video, or the better part at least, was when they used the same tactic they used in my Driver’s Ed class to make us safe drivers, scare the hell out of them. They took people who were having unprotected sex to teen parents houses, to a health clinic to see pictures of sexually transmitted diseases, which they also showed, and to the pregnancy center to see if they were or were not pregnant. They weren’t pregnant but they were by this time very grateful to hear that. The girl asked immediately for birth control.

The part that infuriated me was the video took the stance that you all are going to have sex, it’s a part of the teenage years, so here is what to avoid. They never once encouraged them to wait, they never once told them there are lots of people who are still virgins and that it is a choice, and they never once talked about sex only within an intimate, long-term committed relationship. They also told them via interviews with teenage boys that guys just want sex. They don’t care about you, they just want it any way they can get it and will tell girls whatever they want to hear so they can have somewhere to “stick it”. After all, testosterone controls the sex drive and guys have a lot of it and girls don’t so guys are sex crazed maniacs, they “think about it all the time.” So basically, they told the guys it’s okay to let your sex drive run your life and it’s okay to only see girls as sexual objects. Then they told the girls that you aren’t supposed to want sex because you’re a girl and that guys only want sex. Can you see why I was INFURIATED?

Okay, girls? It is perfectly normal to want sex. It’s how we’re built. Our sexuality is a beautiful part of who we are. It shapes us and we can express our sexuality no matter what kind of relationship we’re in. Sex is a choice, not everyone is doing it, and it is a wise choice to wait until you are in a long-term and intimately committed relationship. For many, this means waiting to experience sex with another until marriage. Physical intimacy needs to be directly correlated with emotional intimacy. They develop together with sex and a life-commitment tied together. Sex is not a one night stand, it is something two people work at and enjoy together over time. A friend once told me that how good a kiss is, is directly proportional to how much you care about the person. Sex is much the same.

Guys? You have NOOOOO excuse for letting your sex drive run your life. Girls, and women, are not a place to stick it. We are people, not receptacles. And your choice of how far to go should NEVER be dependant on the woman. You need to have your own sexual limits and stick to them. Sex is for long-term commitments, not one-night-stands that will mean nothing to you in the morning besides the memory of a good orgasm. That is absolute shit and stinks to high heaven. You have no idea what you are doing to your soul. Sexuality is not just a physical sensation, your sexuality is deeply interconnected with your spirituality and emotions. One affects the other and especially at such a young age, you have no idea what you are getting into.

So though I am sure none of those kids who watched that video will read this blog, maybe someone else who needs to hear this will. And all you parents? Please, please, talk to your kids about this. They really are facing these issues a lot younger than you think, they need to hear from you for they are obviously not getting the right messages at school.

Modesty - Breasts Included?

My fellow editorial board member, C. Wess Daniels, has opened a "five gallon bucket of worms" as Peggy put it with his blog post titled, "Modesty: Too Much Skin (At Church and Elsewhere)?", http://gatheringinlight.com/. Within a 24 hour period he had over 30 comments which inspired Peggy to call for a women's blogorama on the topic, see http://www.sillypoorgospel.blogspot.com/ for her posts. As I have a lot to say on this subject, I am going to break it up with this first post focussing on the feminine divine and women's breasts.

I start this conversation with the feminine divine because I think ignoring feminine images of God lies at the root of the problem of how we view women. If we honored and upheld feminine images of God as well as masculine ones, we would value women as human beings as much as we do men and women's bodies would not be something to just cover up while calling it "holy modesty." We would honor their bodies like artists painting or sculpting a nude.

For months I have been studying the feminine divine and sexuality. It has been extremely interesting and has opened up a whole new world of thought for me. God is so often referred to in the male pronoun but in our culture, rarely in the female. Why is that? If God is neither male nor female and both women and men are made in God's image, can we not use both sets of pronouns? If referring to God as Her bothers you, ask yourself why. Why does it bother you to see images of women as images of God? For centuries, women have been reffered to as the evil and sinful gender, the one's to be hidden and covered up. Not only does that do GREAT damage to women, but also to God for SHE is hidden and covered up as well. Through my own exploration of the feminine divine, I have found that by reclaiming God-transcendant and including the feminine, I feel powerful, connected with God in a whole new way, and more at home in my own skin. It is easier to believe I have "that of God within."

The few times I have mentioned this to others, I have heard several times, "Where is that in the Bible? That's not biblical!" Oh, my dear, yes it is! It is biblical. Though I am not usually one to back up what I believe with biblical texts, I will do so here so we can get through this question. Do you remember the story about the woman looking for her lost coin? The woman symbolized God looking for us! Jesus also refered to God in feminine terms when he compared God to a hen sheltering her chicks under her wings. There is also Sophia, the personification of wisdom who calls out in the streets. This is also an image of Jesus/God. And have you heard one of the Hebrew names for God, El Shaddai? El Shaddai means "the large breasted one". My question to you is, if one of the oldest names for God refers to breasts and we as women are supposed to cover them up, what does that mean for who God is? I don't mean that God has breasts, it's the metaphore of life and nuturarnce, but if God honors breasts, why don't we? These are just a smattering of God in feminine terms in the Bible, there are many more.

In Wess's blog, he quotes a woman, though doesn't agree with her, named Annie as saying in her blog:
"–there is a female feature we call breasts. they can also be referred to as “boobies,” or “the twins,” or “the rack,” or “jugs,” so on, so forth.
–most men find this particular feature interesting. tempting. and amazing.
–upon catching a glimpse of said feature (regardless of how much is actually exposed), it is likely for a man’s mind to go to places it shouldn’t.
–with above knowledge, women, you now are educated and have no excuse."

Excuse me? MEN have no excuse. Breasts are breasts! They are a part of our bodies and not something to be hidden away and covered up. There are cultures where women go around bare chested and it's normal. The reason men are so excited by breasts is because they are culturally conditioned to be so. Go back a hundred years and it was the ankles. Women did not show the ankles for it would excite the lusts of men. Are men so animalistic that they can't control themselves if they see a bit of bare flesh? What about all those times when you men take your shirts off? Are you not tempting us women to let our minds go where they should not? What a shitty double standard that is! We are not in control of YOUR behavior. YOUR behavior is YOUR choice and if you can't control yourself when I'm wearing a low cut shirt, than you have far more serious problems than you think.

When I reopened my publishing website, http://www.spiritwaterpublications.com/, I recieved a comment on my guestbook I decided to leave on there. Here is what "Kay" wrote:

Dear Sarah, I came across your page while looking for a website for Rainbow West. You have a nice website, and a beautiful smile. May I make a suggestion as an older woman in the Lord? In your photo, you are wearing a top that comes very close to revealing more of your femininity than I think you intend. My husband and I work with teenage boys and they have shared with us that it's really hard for them to keep their hearts and minds pure when young women call attention to their bodies in any way that's the least bit suggestive. That doesn't mean you can't be "current", but I would encourage you to be mindful of showing too much skin or too much shape. We also work with young ladies and it's fun and exciting to see them be creative with today's fashion, yet do it in a way that truly brings honor and glory to the Lord. I hope you take this right and that the Lord uses it for His glory in your life. I also pray that He blesses you mightily! Love in Christ, Kay

This is what my friend Gene wrote nearly a year later:

The first thing I noticed was that the vast majority of those writing were female. So, I debated about adding my words. Then I came to the prudish comment about your attire in your staff photo and I wanted to hurl. People with their heads that far into the sand would attend an exhibit like "Body Worlds 3" and leave in disgust because the human body was shown in its entirety; rather than marvel at how fearsomely and awesomely we are made. This is the same attitude that covered the legs of the piano-forte so its "limbs" were not exposed. The site is fantastic! I am pleased to have made your acquaintance. "The cookie lady."

The other day I wore that shirt in question again and realized how high cut it really is for me now. I now have other shirts that look nice but go far lower and it was interesting to realize my change in perspecitive. I also now own and wear a two piece bathing suit which I bought as I became more comfortable in my body and I love going to the pool in it. I do not wear these things to "excite men". My body was not made for their pleasure. It was made for mine. I feel comfortbale and I like wearing low cut shirts when I feel like it. Deal with it. I am a woman and I am not to be "covered up" and "hidden" but I CHOOSE to honor my body by presenting it to myself, God, and others when I want to, in a way I like without thought to how it will affect men's oversexed drive.

Here in Oregon there is an event called "The Country Fair". I had heard about it for years so finally went for the first time last summer with a male friend of mine. To picture The Country Fair, think hippieville meets the woods meets Woodstock. It's AWESOME. It feels like you are transported to another world, as if you are visiting an EXTENSIVE village that has been there for decades, everything is so intertwined into the trees and branches and medows. It is a sight to see you will never forget. There are so many amazing sights. Part of the culture at The Country Fair are painted chests. Many women walk around with beautifully painted bodies, bare breasts included. It's perfectly normal and you just accept that this is the way it is. I LOVED it. While I chose to wear my shirt, I appreciated the open sexuality and pride in their bodies these women exhibited. You may be asking at this point about my male friend. What was his reaction? As far as I could tell, it was very similar to my own. I am sure he appreciated their bodies as I did, but he was wasn't staring after them, they were just another face in the crowd. Modestly is such a cultural thing. In Europe, they are much more accepting of the nude human body than we are here in America. For such a sex-crazed culture, we certainly don't talk about sexuality much or are very accepting of our bodies. Personally, I prefer a culture more like The Country Fair where bodies are seen as art and not just sexual objects. While sexuality is a part of who we are, we ARE sexual beings after all, it does not define the whole of who we are. Just as breasts are involved in sexuality but are not JUST sexual.

I will conclude this portion of the conversation by saying I do believe in wearing clothing, in blending in with the surrounding culture, but I am going to choose what I wear by how I want to be presented, by what I want to say about myself, and by what I feel comfortable in. It is not your choice. It is mine. Breasts included.