Saint John of the Cross has for many years been one of my favorite mystics, one of the ones I connect with the most. He understands what it is like to be in the dark night. He understands what it feels like to be taken apart in the hands of God. I read his book, Dark Night of the Soul, when I needed it the most; it was a great comfort to hear his voice and to hear him explain just where I was at.
One of the questions I've always wanted to ask John concerns his opinion that the soul feels God is absent in the dark night for their senses are shut off to the Divine presence. It is the one big point of the dark night I diverge on. I have never felt God's presence more intimately than I did when his hand was the only thing I could feel. Even today, when I am searching, exploring, asking questions, I still can feel his hand holding mine; I know God is there and that he loves me even when I have nothing left to give him in return. Did John ever ask that question or was he quite sure that, as he says, "These souls do not get satisfaction or consolation from the things of God."?
That whole time in my life is still so real to me and I am so grateful to have gone through it. As John so aptly says, it is a dry time of purgation and emptying. But I needed that emptying, I needed to be taken apart and put back together and John is right, it is a very passive process. The soul is acted upon, it does nothing. "They will be doing a great deal without activity on their part. All that is required of them here is freedom of soul....They must be content simply with a loving and peaceful attentiveness to God."
In the end, even when it's dark, John says God is still there. Whether we can see him or not, whether we can feel him or not, he is there in the night transforming our souls to see what is truly light.
365-09 #338
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Share My Joy
I've been asked the current countdown, it is four and a half days. WOW. I'm trying not to think about it in those terms. I pray I'll be ready. It's a good thing that after tomorrow I have the day free to work on things. I still have to write a paper for the class I'm auditing plus the posts. That should be interesting. :)
When I came home tonight, my roommate showed me the Charlie Brown Christmas tree she had put up. Nine little tufts of green with one red ball at the top. There are snowflake decals on the glass doors out to the balcony and lights all around my hope chest and her DVD stand. I love that little Christmas tree, it warms my heart like a sitting by a roaring fire with eggnog in my hands on Christmas Eve. The little things have come to mean so much to me, the little things in my life are the stars in my sky and love is the moon.
Today has been full of blessings and I am grateful. I got to spend most of the day with two wonderful women, learned some good language to describe spiritual direction (future post), contributed to their work in a creative way with tools I am good at using, got to celebrate two awesome events in the life of a friend at an unexpected party, and was blown away by the generosity of those around me as I have been for many weeks now. Even with all that has to get done and the tension that brings, my heart, my life is full and I am full of joy and thanksgiving. Life is good and it will continue to be good. As Jews, we celebrate life often. Our refrain is "L'Chaim" or "To life!" I really like this description: "L'Chaim reveals a lot about the Jewish approach to life. The phrase is not to a good life, to a healthy life, or even to a long life. It is simply to life, recognizing that life is indeed good and precious and should always be celebrated and savored. L'Chaim!" This is my happy L'Chaim dance tonight.
365-09 #336
When I came home tonight, my roommate showed me the Charlie Brown Christmas tree she had put up. Nine little tufts of green with one red ball at the top. There are snowflake decals on the glass doors out to the balcony and lights all around my hope chest and her DVD stand. I love that little Christmas tree, it warms my heart like a sitting by a roaring fire with eggnog in my hands on Christmas Eve. The little things have come to mean so much to me, the little things in my life are the stars in my sky and love is the moon.
Today has been full of blessings and I am grateful. I got to spend most of the day with two wonderful women, learned some good language to describe spiritual direction (future post), contributed to their work in a creative way with tools I am good at using, got to celebrate two awesome events in the life of a friend at an unexpected party, and was blown away by the generosity of those around me as I have been for many weeks now. Even with all that has to get done and the tension that brings, my heart, my life is full and I am full of joy and thanksgiving. Life is good and it will continue to be good. As Jews, we celebrate life often. Our refrain is "L'Chaim" or "To life!" I really like this description: "L'Chaim reveals a lot about the Jewish approach to life. The phrase is not to a good life, to a healthy life, or even to a long life. It is simply to life, recognizing that life is indeed good and precious and should always be celebrated and savored. L'Chaim!" This is my happy L'Chaim dance tonight.365-09 #336
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Pentacle's 55th Anniversary
Here are some of the photos I took at Pentacle's 55th Anniversary. It was really fun to do the photography of a large event like this.
365-09 #335
365-09 #335
Birthday Celebrations
Here they are at last, pictures from my birthday celebrations. Thank you to each and every one of you who made my birthday so special. With all of you, my life is truly overflowing with riches immeasurable. I thank God for you.
365-09 #334
365-09 #334
Good Food for Thought
I'm cleaning out the virtual post-it notes on my desktop so here are some of the quotes I've put on them that I've really liked.
(This one I really like for going to Kenya and the poetry that will result from it.)
Take me to the places on earth
That teach you how to dance
The places where you can risk
Letting the world break your heart
And I will take you to the places
Where the earth beneath my feet
And the stars overhead
Make my heart whole
Again
And Again
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
This one is for Adria: "It turns out that I already have everything I need to be successful; I just have to do it. The necessary brains, courage, and heart are already present."
"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy." Thich Nhat Hanh
“The excursion is the same when you go looking for your sorrow as when you go looking for your joy.” Eudora Welty
"The wound that can only heal with the sword that inflicted it."
A prayer for myself: "What stands out most to me is the integrity and passion you bring and give to your audience." and "What makes it work is that you put yourself into it."
365-09 #333
(This one I really like for going to Kenya and the poetry that will result from it.)
Take me to the places on earth
That teach you how to dance
The places where you can risk
Letting the world break your heart
And I will take you to the places
Where the earth beneath my feet
And the stars overhead
Make my heart whole
Again
And Again
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
This one is for Adria: "It turns out that I already have everything I need to be successful; I just have to do it. The necessary brains, courage, and heart are already present."
"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy." Thich Nhat Hanh
“The excursion is the same when you go looking for your sorrow as when you go looking for your joy.” Eudora Welty
"The wound that can only heal with the sword that inflicted it."
A prayer for myself: "What stands out most to me is the integrity and passion you bring and give to your audience." and "What makes it work is that you put yourself into it."
365-09 #333
Exchange Paradigm - Part 3 of 3
The exchange paradigm puts us in a prison. The unfortunate thing is some people never realize their spirits are locked away. They sit by the bars and think their small cell is all there is. They don't realize there are meadows, mountains, and flowers to run through. Thus, the first step out is to realize what we're in. As soon as we do that, we can start working on the key. It's hard, the key is very dirty after years of disuse and it might even frighten us in the beginning. But as we clean the key and learn how to use it, we start taking the first steps outside of our cell.
What is this key you ask? Forgiveness. Not holding grudges. Not holding things against another person. Releasing them from the debt they owe you. Not thinking yourself righteous and the other unclean. No longer judging the other soul. Even seeing the best inside that person and loving them though they might not ever love you back. It can be done. You don't have to be buddies with them. You don't even have to see them. Forgiving and hanging out with that person are two different things. Sometimes forgiving can lead to a renewed relationship and that is a beautiful, miraculous thing to behold. But at other times, the other person, though you see the best in them, does not see the best in themselves. They are still unsafe for you to be around and that is okay. It shows you are taking care of yourself and keeping good boundaries if you know a relationship with them would be destructive for the both of you. For no matter who hurts the other, both people always get hurt. Those people you can still think well of and love at a distance safe for your soul. Others, you may choose to have a limited relationship with, not close, but knowing there is good for the both of you, you still see and talk to them on occasion but at the same time, remember that as much as you love them, they still have a hard time seeing love in the world around them.
This place outside of the cell is the love paradigm. After you've delved into forgiveness for yourself and others, you are then able to wholeheartedly love those around you. This new love paradigm is where you place love before hate, forgiveness before a grudge. This is a love you don't measure, you don't keep track of. It's a love that gives without expecting a return, a love that gives for the delight of giving, the delight of knowing you've brightened someone's way. This love paradigm is where everyone is treasured for the gift they are. It is to look with Divine eyes and then be brought to our knees by the beauty of each person. This love is given freely, openly, unreservedly. This is the love God gives to us and it is the love that we are naturally meant to give each other.
By living in a love paradigm, our souls live free. If we choose to judge instead of love, we are chained to our judgement. In love, there are no chains. We know our strength, we know God's strength. Then out of that strength, confidence, and self-care, we can pour out our lives into others, even while our own life is filled.
This is a life-giving paradigm and it is so much better than sitting in that cold cell. Only when we leave the cell do we realize how confining the inner prison really was. Only when we take off our shoes and run through the meadows do we see how worth it forgiveness was. How about you give that dirty key a good look? It is made of the knowledge of the love of God for every soul. Let the chains go and take a step out into love.
365-09 #332
What is this key you ask? Forgiveness. Not holding grudges. Not holding things against another person. Releasing them from the debt they owe you. Not thinking yourself righteous and the other unclean. No longer judging the other soul. Even seeing the best inside that person and loving them though they might not ever love you back. It can be done. You don't have to be buddies with them. You don't even have to see them. Forgiving and hanging out with that person are two different things. Sometimes forgiving can lead to a renewed relationship and that is a beautiful, miraculous thing to behold. But at other times, the other person, though you see the best in them, does not see the best in themselves. They are still unsafe for you to be around and that is okay. It shows you are taking care of yourself and keeping good boundaries if you know a relationship with them would be destructive for the both of you. For no matter who hurts the other, both people always get hurt. Those people you can still think well of and love at a distance safe for your soul. Others, you may choose to have a limited relationship with, not close, but knowing there is good for the both of you, you still see and talk to them on occasion but at the same time, remember that as much as you love them, they still have a hard time seeing love in the world around them.
This place outside of the cell is the love paradigm. After you've delved into forgiveness for yourself and others, you are then able to wholeheartedly love those around you. This new love paradigm is where you place love before hate, forgiveness before a grudge. This is a love you don't measure, you don't keep track of. It's a love that gives without expecting a return, a love that gives for the delight of giving, the delight of knowing you've brightened someone's way. This love paradigm is where everyone is treasured for the gift they are. It is to look with Divine eyes and then be brought to our knees by the beauty of each person. This love is given freely, openly, unreservedly. This is the love God gives to us and it is the love that we are naturally meant to give each other.
By living in a love paradigm, our souls live free. If we choose to judge instead of love, we are chained to our judgement. In love, there are no chains. We know our strength, we know God's strength. Then out of that strength, confidence, and self-care, we can pour out our lives into others, even while our own life is filled.
This is a life-giving paradigm and it is so much better than sitting in that cold cell. Only when we leave the cell do we realize how confining the inner prison really was. Only when we take off our shoes and run through the meadows do we see how worth it forgiveness was. How about you give that dirty key a good look? It is made of the knowledge of the love of God for every soul. Let the chains go and take a step out into love.
365-09 #332
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