As I write, I am flying thirty-five thousand feet in the air. One hundred years ago, this was beyond people’s perceptions. If they saw a plane flying, they would assume it was falling through the air. Not possible! Earlier this week I met with my friend MaryKate who has known me for years and we sat together marveling at how I’ve grown over time into someone who would be going to Europe on a speaking tour. We found this quite funny. Neither of us could have imagined such a thing. But God can make incredible things happen we would not otherwise expect. Like being on a plane to Europe flying thirty-five thousand feet in the air starting on a journey.
A few weeks ago at the beginning of another journey, I attended mass at my favorite Catholic church on Ash Wednesday in the town where I live. The room is spacious and filled with light that streams through beautiful stained glass windows. My favorite icon hangs in the front of the sanctuary and there is a font of holy water in the back. In the midst of planning for this trip, I needed the liturgy, the worship on my knees. I needed the hymns, the candles and the Word. What really made me think though was the priest’s homily. He asked us if we were going to journey through the advent season like a tourist or like a pilgrim. A tourist sees the sights, takes some photos and buys a few souvenirs while spending too much money in hotels and restaurants that actually shield them from the place and the people they have come to see. A pilgrim on the other hand, experiences the sights, taking time and space to really notice what is around them, the sense of the room, the way the light filters through the leaves on the trees and they let themselves be changed by that place, by those people. I want to be a pilgrim on this journey. I want to grow and learn and change and have a better understanding of the world around me, of myself, and of God. I want to become a part of it.
When I was first invited to speak at the Quakers Uniting in Publications conference in Birmingham, England, I had no idea a week in England was going to turn into a five and a half week speaking tour through Europe. I am still amazed at how God worked this journey out and to tell the truth, I don’t think it will fully dawn on me where I am going until I am actually there. That is when the reality of it will finally hit me in the face. Thus far, it’s pretty much been a lot of planning, grant applications, and finding the right things to pack.
One thing I am excited about (among the many!) is leading a workshop called “Writing as the Authentic Self.” It’s about finding the balance between expressing who you truly are in your writing and having healthy boundaries. This goes for speaking as well. To be effective, one must be themselves. I recently served as presiding clerk at one of Freedom Friends Church’s business meetings. Our usual presiding clerk, Ashley, needed a Sabbath rest and so Ministry and Oversight asked me to step in for the day. At first, I felt the weight of that responsibility but as I thought about it, I realized the weight I felt was not in the thought of leading the meeting itself, I knew I could do that, but it was in the expectations I thought were placed upon me. But then I realized I am not Ashley. I’m Sarah. And Sarah was the one they asked to help that Sunday. So while deeply grateful for the instructions Ashley left me to use, I brought myself and my own personality into them. We had a reading, we had a few laughs, we had some quiet. We listened to God and to each other. We decided some things, we heard some reports with joy. And you know what? I really enjoyed it, I really enjoyed leading that meeting and getting to use some of my gifts for the benefit of my meeting, as myself, without the expectation of having to be anyone else.
So as I undertake this journey, I am holding to the truth that it is I who has been chosen to speak. And God placed me here to speak and talk and share with Friends in Europe for his own reasons and the qualities and personality I bring to the table are exactly what he wants served. There is great confidence in that. Great confidence he knows that with him, I will do this well, that I have a voice worth hearing. It brings me to tears to know he believes in me like that, to know he is loving me and guiding me, helping me find the courage within myself to take the microphone and raise my voice.
I have had many people ask, “Are you going alone?” And the deep answer is, “No, not really. I am going with God.” I feel his presence around me and I know he is by my side. No, I do not go alone. I am on this journey with one whom I love. Only he could have grown me into this person who can stand in front of an audience and speak with confidence, only he could have made all the arrangements come together in the way they have done to make this journey possible. I know there will be many surprises, many unexpected conversations and experiences. Things will bring me to my knees, whether in joy or frustration I know not, but I am alright with that. It is only on my knees I will be able to bring something of worth to the lives around me.
And so the journey begins.Labels: Europe 2011