Being Held

(This post was started at home and finished at the airport so it says two days until I leave but I am actually about to board the plane.)

"I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear about your love for all his holy people and your faith in the Lord Jesus. I pray that your partnership with us in the faith may be effective in deepening your understanding of every good thing we share for the sake of Christ. Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, sister, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people."

Philemon 1:4-7

 
Yesterday afternoon my spiritual director commented on how much this trip will change me.  When I went to Kenya, another spiritual director said the very same thing.  She was right so I'm expecting this one is too.  And it has already begun.  Preparing to go on a trip like this is an interesting time.  I have learned a lot about Europe, about Friends there, and a great deal about myself.  This, I am sure, is only a foretaste of what is to come.  For example, I have never before fully realized how persistent I am.  I can be like one of my favorite dogs, Sasha or Ginger, with a chew toy in my mouth playing tug of war.  But let me warn you, you will not get the chew toy.  Eventually, you will get tired and let go and I will still want to play.  That is how I have been able to fund raise the money for this publicity tour and plan out all the day-to-day details.  I have been persistent.  I have stuck with it until done or when I have received an answer.  I like this about myself.  There is strength in that quality and I like knowing my own strength, the power I wield in my hands.
 
Now that the countdown to the trip has dropped down under the one week mark (two days now), life has been both draining and deeply fullfilling at the same time.  Bit by bit, item by item, the to-do list is getting shorter but it has only been by very late nights and very early mornings.  I am tired and I am praying I am able to keep up my health since I know my immune system must be running low.  I am looking forward to getting on the plane and taking out a book by Robert Bell that I am delivering to a Quaker in England for my pastor.
 
Yet, this has also been a deeply fulfilling and rich time for me.  I feel the love of my friends and mentors deep inside as I prepare the final details, pack the final items.  It's been a full week of seeing women whom I deeply admire, trust, and love and whom I know love me. I feel held by them as I go, their hands are upon me, lifting me up.  One friend gave me a pair of earrings I won't need to take out, a gift I treasure.  The same friend also delivered freshly baked chocolate chip cookies to me after midnight one night while I worked on my computer.   Another knitted hand warmers for me and another gave me a new journal.  These are reminders of their love, supports I need as I undertake such a large trip with so much speaking involved.  They will remind me of the people I love and that inevitably warms my heart in the midst of whatever difficulties arise.  Thank you friends.