Do you remember that thing I told you about not contacting me if you have a "Sarah, will you please?" Yeah. It didn't work. I now have two more large projects than when I started in addition to a few little ones I already did or will do. Though in the requesters' defense, I completely opened myself up for it on both of them. I am now keeping a saved document of all the projects I have on my "desk". Between books, websites, photography, quilts, and my own personal life (do I have one of those?) , it's quite the list. But you know what? If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. I also like having projects in my hands. I love seeing something come together after hard work. And if I didn't have new ones, what would I enjoy delving into when the others are done? House sitting is finished for a while, the faith and practice is reprinted, and all web pages are nearly functional after the server they are all on crashed. So I am feeling accomplished and ready to turn my attention to other things.
A great deal of my time has lately been taken up with a large stack of submissions I received in the mail from Angelina along with all the other eight Editorial Board members. I haven't measured it yet... wait a moment... it's about 13/16ths of an inch. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but double sided, it is a lot of reading, editing, and evaluating to do on a limited availability of time. The other morning I walked over to Sharri's and read a bunch over french toast and strawberries. There are some I really like, that speak to exactly where I'm at or say something I need to hear. These are the ones where I read them and I remember why I have chosen to take part in Quakerism. Then there are others I like, they are well-written and good stories or poems, but they have little to nothing to do with the point of the book. Then, as must be inevitable, there are those I read and go, "huh?" I'm not even half way through the stack. Katrina at least, has had similar reactions. Emma gets here in just over a week, the board meets in less than two. YIKES!!!
So I promised you a deeper post tonight. Deep post, deep post...
The truth is, my heart is hurting tonight. I got some news earlier and I feel sad for several people I love. I can't post the details on here but to say that it is life changing and not the direction I would have dreamed their lives to go. It's not the first such news either. There has seemed to be a lot of it lately, deaths, divorces, loss of jobs, sickness and things just not working out as we would like. You all certainly know my own story these last few months, it feels like one punch after another until you are brought to your knees and have no strength but to look at God with teary eyes and call out for help. Though, you don't have to call out very loud. Even a choked sob when you can't get the words out of your mouth, or even lay them out in your heart works just as well. I wish I could make this all better. I wish I could take all those lives that seem so confused right now, so blocked and cramped, and just iron those wrinkles out. I would take those lives, dunk them into spring water with mountain scent-soap, give them a good scrub, get all of the stains out that even Shout! can't get, and then pin them up on the clothes line to air-dry on a warm, sunny day. I would then wander among those lives like I did when I was a child, losing myself among the fabric hanging down front the lines, breathing it all in.
But, I can't fix them. There is no magic wand to wave, no special words to say. But I will go to my knees with you. I will cry with you, I will help you find the light in the darkness, the string of hope running though it and I will help you hold onto it. I won't try to wash all your problems away, there is a FAR better Laundress than I. But I will help where I can, I will shine all the light that is given to me, and I will help you remember who is holding onto you.
Just, please, help me remember who is holding onto me.
(I'm actually doing pretty well. I have found a new rhythm of life, living and enjoying what I do have. I am using my extra time to work on all these projects. Still, I haven't left a lot, or any, really, time for God. That needs to change.)
365-09 #90Labels: 365-09 Challenge, God