Thursday, March 26, 2009

At the End of the Road

I need a few minutes this afternoon to open up and write about the things tumbling inside me, to vent the steam swirling around. It seems I haven't been able to fully focus on much of anything lately. (With the exception of spending time with the Seussical cast.) My dancing is a great illustration of this. For several weeks now, my balance has been terrible, I can't seem to absorb the steps, and yesterday I just had to stop mid-way through class because my knee was hurting. Among all the other things I need to do, obtaining a knee injury is not one of them. I just had to stop and sit down. It's like I've been driving so far and for so long in my car, all the while ignoring that empty gas tank light, that it's now running on fumes and I just can't go any further without burning the engine. I need to just stop, look around me, and decide to pull things back in. I'm going to have a crying fit if I don't.

My new/future roommate, Alli, met up with me at the Beanery Coffee Shop while I loaded pictures onto the internet for the theatre. I felt distracted the whole time and I didn't like that. Then I talked with my friend and project coordinator for our editorial board and I was dealing with so much at the same time, that I was stressed about the low battery on the phone and the seeming infestation of bugs by the window. (Thank you Windex.) I don't feel good about that either. And I also don't feel good about the way dance has been going. I feel like I'm trying to shove a large item into a small space that just can't take it.

So next week, I'm clearing my evenings, (except Monday for theatre head shots), and keeping some time for myself to be HOME!!! No one gets a piece of me. No one gets to say, "Sarah, will you please?" I am going to devote myself to being home, working on the Youth Book Project, and finding my paperwork for taxes. AND, I am going to write in my new journal. So here is your warning, if you want me to do something, DON'T CALL ME! Give me time to go around and pick up the pieces of myself lying around and sew them back together.

365-09 #81

1 comment:

Gil S said...

Hi Sarah! Just wanted to say how much I admire your ability to recognise what you need and to go for it. Hope your home time replenishes those batteries!