I really wish I had better news to share with you tonight. Perhaps it is good news but I don't fully see that right now. Most of what I see is a bad economy and me, really in need of a job. This afternoon I went to my manager to give her a project I had done for her when another manager came in and shut the door. They told me they were releasing me from trial service as of today. (Every state worker hired is on six months of trial service. I already had four months behind me.) My manager said I had done a good job, that it wasn't the quality of my work, that she even wanted to keep me, but they were letting me go. They both told me they will give me a glowing recommendation and there is another manager there I worked under who has already told me he would as well. I managed to talk to her very calmly, collect my things and make it out of the office without tears. I walked through the capital grounds in the hail straight to my friend's tattoo studio downtown where I knew I would know the comfort of a friend and hear wise counsel. Megan saw me first, (I know all the staff), and knew immediately something was wrong. I managed to tell her through my tears what had happened and she gave me a big hug. When Emily was finished piercing a client, she sat on the floor with me behind the counter and we talked for quite a while. Well, she talked, I pretty much listened. She told me to take this time to really look at what I want to do for a career, to find a way to use my many talents for income. She said, and I agree, that this is the universe yelling at me as I wasn't heeding the whispers to follow what I know I am called to do. It felt so good to hear someone say it wasn't me, that I am very valuable and have a lot to offer. She said in six months, I will look back on this day and see it as a good move in my life.
So now I'm doing those things I know I need to do, like put my school loans in deferment, that kind of stuff. One of the things I really like about myself is that even in crisis, I keep a cool head, know exactly what needs to be done and I do it. What I am not looking forward to is telling my family, mostly my parents who were so happy I had a job in this economy. But I did say on facebook I lost my job and am counting on the family gossip line to soften me having to give the news and I want to be honest with what I'm going through with my friends and not hide it. So here I am, being honest and open with my pain in writing, ironically what makes me so successful as an author. I am going to enjoy the simplicity of this Christmas and my beautiful tree and I'll figure things out from there.
I have decided to pick up my spiritual direction practice again after having laid it down for a time. I have really missed doing it and I know a pastor who is interested in referring people to me. Two months ago I was officially certified as a director, a special moment for me when I received my certificate after so many years of study, hard work, and putting in the supervision hours, and I am looking forward to walking with people once again on their spiritual journeys.
Thank you so much friends for your encouragement and love I know is there. I appreciate it more than I will ever be able to let you know.
(If by chance, you have a job opening, let me know and I'll send you my resume. ) :0)Labels: honesty, Spiritual Direction, Writing