I have always found it ironic I am the go-to person for dating advice. Yes, ask the one who is not in a relationship advice on how to make one better. Over a year ago, when writing our church's Faith and Practice, Peggy and Mike assigned to me the section on "Care of Marriages". I protested, reminding them I was not married and they both were. They both replied, "Exactly. That is why you are the person to write it, you have an objective perspective." So, keeping in mind the section on marriage already written and what our committee discussed, I voiced in words the heart of our church on caring for marriages.
This is the marriage section I looked at and really like:
"Freedom Friends Church recognizes and supports marriage. We do not believe that there is more merit in a married life than in unmarried life, but we recognize the stability and blessing that marriage may bring into our lives. We are inclusive in our marriage practices, believing that any two adults can make a spirit-led, long-term commitment based on love before God and the community. We believe that the two people give themselves to each other, and that the community, including the pastor, is witness to, not makers of, this sacred event.
We believe in equality in marriage, and that married life is based on mutual respect, love, friendship, and devotion. We believe that marriage is an equal partnership, and we promote marriages that are free from violence and abuse of any kind. As with all things, we seek the will of the Spirit in our marital relations. We wish to support all marriages in our midst: those that are made in our presence, as well as those that arrive already made."
This is what I wrote:
"We believe marriage needs to be cared for and supported by both the individuals who make and sustain the commitment, and by the faith community surrounding them. We hold the marriages among us in love and respect, believing the couples themselves knows what they need. We will not step in to intervene in a marriage unless asked by the couple or under dire circumstances such as abuse or addiction. When care has been requested, Ministry and Oversight will provide prayer, referrals for counseling, and guidance in a confidential and honoring manner."
Having an objective perspective, it is easy to see things and tell it like it is. That is one of the best qualities about a spiritual director: having someone who is objective yet cares about you to talk with and to voice your questions in front of when struggling with God. Whether it is dating or in faith, and in
actuality, you can't really
separate the two, I have loved being this objective party who gets to stand with someone in matters close to the heart and journey alongside them.
But lately, God has been poking at my objectivity and I have come to realize there is an area of
relationships I really struggle with. Through conversations with friends, family, and what we are studying in
Ecclesia, the idea of submission has kept coming up. It is like the old adage, "When a student is ready to learn, God provides the teacher." (My paraphrase.) Being well aware this struggle of mine could get in the way of my ministry and distort how I can listen with my
directees to God, not to mention my own relationships with God and others, I want to do a series on this topic here on my blog. I know it will help
me work through this issue and from past experience, I know it's the honest and personal posts that have spoken to you the most as well. So we are going to open up this dark closet I haven't liked to look at and explore it together. Together, we'll clear the air.
Much of what I have already learned about this topic I have learned from Katie
Skurja of
Imago Dei Ministries in Portland, Oregon. I have taken her workshops on these topics and talked with her a lot about them and will be quoting her as well as using some of her diagrams in upcoming posts. If you are interested in learning more about what I talk about, she and her ministry team are
holding a workshop during the day on Friday and Saturday, April 30
th-May 1st which I would HIGHLY recommend. I am excited to go myself, it's been several years since I've gone and I'm looking forward to hearing the truths she teaches. This summary is taken from their brochure on the workshop:
"We will explore the Trinity Model to gain deeper understanding of what it means to have freedom in Christ. The Trinity Model principles are a means for facilitating revelation and healing for the whole person - Spirit, Soul and Body—that we might follow the path of Christ and live “as though God were making his appeal through us” (II Cor. 5:20)
The workshop is first of all for personal application. We believe that experience is the best teacher, therefore we will be actively applying aspects of the model during the workshop. The principles you will learn have broad applications for your own life and relationships, as well as discipleship, prayer ministry, education and any other facet of ministry you may be involved in. We highly recommend that you attend both days of the workshop to gain the most benefit from the teaching and experiential sections.
The Imago
Dei Ministries team has a passion to see the Body of Christ living the abundant life God gives us as we learn to abide in right relationship with God, self, and others. You are welcome to join us!"
You can find more information on their
website.
Before we get into submission, though, there are some building blocks I would like to put in place to help us get there, some groundwork we need to cover to help us understand what submission means, not to mention they are important things to look at in themselves. These teachings are one of the cores of what has helped me heal in my life the most so I am looking forward to sharing them with all of you. They are the truths I live out of. I would love to hear your questions and comments as we have this conversation and will include my responses in what I post. I am looking forward to sharing this journey with you.
