What if this is as good as it gets? What if the life we are living right now is the best we'll ever have, ever experience? We spend a great deal of time in our lives telling ourselves things will be better when... (fill in the blank). For me, it is usually when this or that project is done such as uploading photographs, finishing a quilt, or when I'm done editing this or that book, then I'll have more free time. I've also told myself things will be easier financially when I make more money. Think about what you tell yourself. Do you ever use the terms, "when I'm older", "when the kids are older", "when I have another job", or "after we move"? I'm sure you have some variation of them somewhere in your psyche. Most of us do.
What is even harder is when we look at our lives and see what we think we are lacking. We look at what we've lost, what we've never had, and what we wish we had. We stare at these things, pretend we feel them in our hands, and are jealous of those who hold them in theirs. We see our own lives and think of them as inadequate, not enough, sorely lacking in what is essential.
For my main job, I do classified substituting with the local school district. I don't make much money and that can be difficult at times. I am trying to find a regular, full time job but quite frankly, with everything going on, it's hard to find the time. (Remember those "when" phrases?) There are things in my short sightedness I would like to change about my life. I say short sightedness because that is often the only way we can look at our lives. We don't see what we truly need, we don't see what is coming down the road. We don't see what is truly good, what is truly love in our lives.
Then yesterday as I was working, God asked me, "Do you think this is coincidence? Do you think this was by chance?" When he asked this, I was checking in books at a friend's library where I was filling in for her assistant, it is also a place I enjoy volunteering at when I'm not substituting at another school. The first assignment there was random, but, as we know, not so random. Since then, they request me whenever Kim is gone. I realized then just how random it wasn't that God has placed me there, that I choose to go. Like pulling one string on a web, me being there affects far more than I can imagine both in my life and in theirs.
The places we are at in our lives indeed are not random, they are part of a grand design we all are a part of. Life isn't in the end result, it's in the weaving together of our fabric. If I keep wishing for another day, I am going to miss the gifts in this one. I am going to miss the fact that God has placed me where he has for a reason. If I had a full time job right now, I wouldn't be able to help them and believe me, volunteering there adds so much to my life. Right now is a special time. Right now is a time I will cherish for years to come. The things I feel I am missing are missing for a reason, they make room for the blessings of today. And those blessings are abundant. It is a time full of growth, of seeing my passions come to fruition, of rich friendships, and fun times. It actually stuns me to think of all that I've been given. I don't want to wish away my time. I don't want to keep looking at tomorrow and miss today. It is a gift, a priceless, truly a treasure-gift. If life was a treasure map, the X would be underneath my feet. I just can't thank God enough for it. Today is a sweet time.
Is this as good as it gets? No, it gets better. But it is really great now and I am so happy I know that while I am still living it.
365-09 #318Labels: 365-09 Challenge, God
